Darkest Secrets A Dean Ambrose & Seth Rollins Story
by thehoundsofjustice
Summary: It's absolutely amazing how one night can change your whole life. It wasn't suppose to be a big deal… but it turned out to be so much more than that. Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins never saw this coming, but it was happening. Every day the attraction grew stronger, every night their bodies ached a little more. Who will be the first to break?
1. When It All Began

_**When It All Began**_

_It was one hell of a party. That was all Dean Ambrose can say about the bachelor him and his friends threw for Roman Reigns who was getting married in one week. They woke up the next morning, not remembering a thing from the night before. It felt as if there were living that "Hangover" movie. It was amazing._

_Dean was the first one to wake up, despite having more to drink than anyone else, even Roman. His head was throbbing with a splitting headache as he was trying to figure out where the hell his pants were. He stepped over someone on his way to the bathroom, brushed his teeth, washed his face, and proceeded to the living room. Still not finding his pants, he went to the kitchen and found them on top of the refrigerator. "Oh, what the hell?" He mumbled to himself, taking them down and slipping them on. "Fuck, I'm never drinking again." He knew that was a lie as he started to recollect little things that happened last night and wishing he'd drank more so that he didn't remember them._

_Two hours before the party, he met up with one of his best friends, Seth Rollins to set up Roman's, their other best friend's, house. They had a few beers as they were rearranging furniture and putting balloons and other shit up. Then Seth, being the lightweight that he is because he never drinks, was buzzed after a few beers and started talking about how he felt like doing something out of the ordinary, out of his element. He said he was tired of playing it safe and tired of living in a bubble his whole life. Dean ignored him, having no idea what the hell he was talking about. After a few more beers, Dean also started to feel a bit of a buzz, and having finished setting up the house, they sat on the couch and just watched ESPN. Then Seth began talking again._

_"Do you ever want to do something completely out of the ordinary?"_

_Dean took a drink from his beer. "I live my life on the edge, Rollins. I do whatever I please."_

_"So, you would try everything once?"_

_"I mean... I guess I would. I'm not really afraid of anything."_

_Seth sat up, sliding to the end of the couch and putting his empty bottle of beer that he'd been holding for the past 10 minutes on the floor. "I mean... something out of your comfort zone. Something you told yourself you would never do."_

_Dean looked at Seth. "What are you getting at?"_

_Seth was quiet for a minute before he quickly leaned forward and kissed Dean right in the lips. Dean pushed him back and jumped up, wiping his mouth. "Seth, what the fuck?!"_

_"That's what I mean," Seth stood up. "Have you ever imagined being with a guy?"_

_"NO! You're too fucking drunk. Don't ever take a damn drink again. What the hell is wrong with you?" He began to walk away._

_"Wait, Dean," Seth followed. "You're not... you're not gonna tell anyone, right?"_

_"If you try that shit again, yeah, I will. I mean, God, Seth. What are you thinking? I'm not gay. If that's you, hey, I won't judge."_

_Seth shook his head. "No, I'm not."_

_"Then explain why the hell you just kissed me?"_

_The front door opened then, not giving Seth a chance to answer._

_They decided to leave it alone for the night, acting as if nothing had ever happened, and Dean drank... and drank... and drank trying to forget that it ever did. He thought Seth was completely insane for what he did, but he didn't want to think about it anymore. He pushed it further from his mind as the night went on, enjoying the food, drinks, and certainly the strippers._

_But now it was morning, and everything wasn't so black and white anymore. He couldn't understand why the hell Seth would do something like that so suddenly. He didn't think his best friend was gay because Seth has had plenty of girlfriends, but yesterday began to make him wonder if he really was in the closet._

_Seth woke up, wondering why he was laying on the patio floor. It was chilly outside, telling the world that winter was coming. He got up from the cold ground and went to search for his shirt. Last night, he drank for the first time since his college graduation party and he honestly wished to God he hadn't as he stumbled inside, finding his shirt laying on top of the coffee table. He slipped it on, almost tripping over someones feet. "Fuck..." He found the bathroom, washed up, then made his way back out and looked around Roman's house. It was a completely mess and he knew that tonight they would have to clean it up. He groaned and held his head. He doubted he'd be up for that. Hearing a noise coming from the kitchen, he made his way over there, feeling as if he was going to throw up._

_"Hey." He said, entering the kitchen._

_Dean turned around and wished he hadn't. Why was he so hesitant on facing Seth? Did he even remember about what happened? "Sup, bro? You look like hell."_

_"I feel even worse. Man, what the fuck did I drink last night?"_

_"Everything." He tossed Seth a bottle of water. "You really shouldn't drink so much if you can't handle your liquor."_

_"Mm," He chugged some water and wiped his mouth. "Thanks for telling me that before I started drinking."_

_Dean laughed and shifted uncomfortably. "Uh... at least Roman had a good time."_

_"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure he did. I mean, if I could remember it, I would guess that he did." Seth finished off the water and threw the bottle in the trash can. He then leaned against the wall, crossed his arms across his chest, and looked at Dean. "Do... do you remember everything that happened?"_

_Dean scratched his neck and ran his hand through his hair. "Most of it, yeah."_

_"Oh..." 'Damnit, Seth. Just ask him. What more can it hurt?' Seth thought to himself. "Do you remember what I did?"_

_'Damn' Dean thought, not wanting to talk about it. He laughed it off, though. "You did a lot of things last night. Drunk Seth is quite entertaining."_

_Seth laughed, too. "Yeah, whatever, man. The house is a mess."_

_"I know, Roman is going to be pretty pissed when he sees it."_

_Dean and Seth kept talking about the night and Dean filled Seth in on the party's success. They had avoided it for now... but they couldn't avoid it for long. _


	2. I Can't Be Around You

_**"I Can't Be Around You."**_

_**Sorryyy if it's short. I'm so distracted right now, it's not even funny. But I hope you enjoy.**_

_Dean felt as if he was going fucking crazy. Every moment that he wasn't busy, he was thinking about Seth and that dumb ass kiss. It wasn't even a good kiss! But then again, why the hell was he judging it?_

_He blew a gust of air out of his mouth and shook his head. He dribbled the basketball down the court, stopped at the 3 point line, shot... and missed. "Fuck this." He said, grabbing the ball and walking out of the court. He'd been there since 9 am, missing every single basket, which didn't normally happen. It was now 12 pm and he just wanted to go shower._

_His plans were altered when he walked into his apartment and saw Seth walking to the kitchen, no shirt with sweat pants on. For some reason this bothered him more than it should have. "What are you doing here?"_

_Seth looked at Dean and couldn't help but look at his shirt sweaty shirt, sticking to his body. "Uh... I came by earlier cause we always shoot hoops on Wednesday's but you were gone so I just decided to wait here."_

_Dean closed the door, rolling his basketball into the closet and rubbing his hair. "Yeah, my bad. I went earlier than usual. I, uh... had some stuff on my mind."_

_"Oh," Seth grabbed a water bottle from the refrigerator and opened the top. "You want to talk about it."_

_"Nope." Dean answered quickly. "I'm going to shower."_

_Seth sighed as Dean disappeared into his room. He didn't understand why he was acting so strange and part of him wondered if it was because of the kiss. Did he even remember about it? He never hinted that he did so Seth just assumed he did, but lately he's been closed off and awkward every time he came around._

_Dean stood under the shower head, letting the water drown his face. God, what the hell was happening to him? He didn't want to believe that Seth was actually having an affect on him. He couldn't be around him. It was too uncomfortable I mean, how do you react when your best friend sees you as more than a best friend? So many questions and he knew he'd probably never get the answer to any of them._

_About 10 minutes later, Seth decided to just leave. He had a feeling Dean was going to stay in his room for the night and he wasn't going to bother him, completely convinced that Dean did remember the stupid kiss._

_"Are you leaving?"_

_Seth turned and saw Dean standing in the doorway of his room. "Uh... yeah, I've got some errands to run."_

_Dean rubbed his wet hair. "Alright. Are you going to Roman's house tonight to watch the game?"_

_"Yeah, I'll be there. Are you going?"_

_"I don't know yet..." Dean lied. He had been planning to go to Roman's house, but now he was unsettled. "I might show up."_

_"Right." Seth shook his head. "Well, maybe I'll see you later." He grabbed his stuff and quickly left the house._

_**After The Game**_

_Dean decided that it was completely stupid to act this way around Seth. He hadn't tried anything since the party so he had no reason to freak out anymore. He was making a big deal out of nothing and he didn't want to lose a good friend over this._

_After the game, he decided to confront Seth about what happened and clear the air. "Hey, man."_

_"Hey." Seth said, closing his car door. "That was one hell of a game, huh?"_

_"Yeah, it was." He looked around. "Uh... listen, stop by the house on your way home. I gotta talk to you about something."_

_"Sure, is everything alright?"_

_"Yeah, yeah, I just don't want to talk here. It'll be quick. Nothing major."_

_"Okay. I'll follow you then."_

_10 minutes later, they arrived at Dean's apartment building and made their way upstairs. Dean didn't want to risk anyone hearing their conversation so he was taking maybe too many extra precautions. When they were in his house, he stopped Seth at the entrance. "Alright, so, I just want to clear the air about you kissing me."_

_Seth's stomach dropped. Fuck, he did remember. "W-what?"_

_"Yeah, I remember. And I'm not going to judge you or blame you because you were drunk and I think that this is one instance where I can let that excuse slide."_

_"Okay... And I'm sorry for doing that. I don't know what I was thinking."_

_"Honestly, are you gay?"_

_Seth shook his head. "No... I mean, I don't think so. Maybe. I don't know." He stuttered, walking around Dean. "I should go."_

_"Just wait, Seth." He held the door so that Seth couldn't open it. "I don't want you to think that I'm judging you. I'm trying to help you."_

_"You can't help me, Dean. No one can because no one knows how I feel inside. I've always had a problem with being attracted to men, but not knowing what to do about it. I've always been so scared to tell anybody and the first person I tell end up being my best friend, who I kiss in order to tell. I'm just screwed up, okay? I don't know what to do."_

_Dean suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to make him feel better about himself. He didn't want to see him hurt like this because he was his best friend. Throwing caution to the wind, he pulled Seth closer and kissed him. The kiss lasted last than 3 seconds, but the damage had been done. Dean knew it and Seth knew it. They couldn't deny the attraction anymore. But they were both still afraid to do anything about it._

_Dean moved away and Seth quickly opened the door and walked out, practically running to his car. This was really happening... and they had no idea how to stop it._


	3. Things Aren't Supposed To Be This Way

_**"I Can't Be Around You."**_

_**"Things Aren't Supposed To Be Like This."**_

_Dean couldn't deny it anymore, and as the night grew darker, his desires were starting to overpower his mind. This wasn't like him, he wasn't suppose to be having these feelings and he hated himself for even thinking about thinking about it. He covered his face with his hands and groaned loudly, suddenly feeling hot, despite the 43 degrees of winter whistling by outside his window. This was driving him insane. How did that one stupid little kiss get to him so damn much? He didn't know... he wasn't sure he even wanted to know. But all he did know was that it did. Now the real question was, what was he going to do about it?_

_Seth laid in his bed, completely awake, knowing that sleep wasn't going to come to him any time soon. His whole body felt as if it was on fire as he tried to hold back the urges that were slowly winning the fight. He turned on his side and stared at the clock on the bedside table. 2:17am illumated in bright red numbers. He closed his eyes and rubbed them for a minute. Why was this getting to him so much? It wasn't supposed to mean anything, yet he's making the biggest deal out of it and freaking out. He was more scared about what tomorrow would bring. He stared at the clock again. If he ever made it tomorrow._

_"Fuck it." Seth said, reaching over and grabbing his phone. He searched for Dean's number and sent him a text._

_**Seth: Are you awake?**_

_Dean heard the buzzing on his cell phone but hesitated on picking it up. He had it feeling it was Seth and he didn't know if talking to him was a good idea. They hadn't talking since the second kiss... three days ago._

_His phone buzzed again. Giving up, he sighed and reached for the device._

_**Seth: Are you awake?**_

_**Seth: Dean, you have to talk to me sometime.**_

_He sighed. Why is this happening to him?_

_**Dean: Yeah, I'm awake, Seth. What is it?**_

_**Seth: You don't have to be rude. I just want to talk to you.**_

_**Dean: I don't have much to say to you, to be honest.**_

_Why was he being so mean? Seth asked himself, now sitting up against the headboard of his bed. _

_**Seth: Can I come over?**_

_**Dean: No.**_

_Seth put his phone down and rubbed his fingers through his hair. This was killing him. Dean needed to stop acting like a child and just talk to him already. He picked his phone back up and replied._

_**Seth: Dean, stop acting this way, please. We have to talk about what happened.**_

_**Dean: I don't want to talk about anything. I want to sleep, so leave me alone.**_

_"Fuck this." Seth said, getting out of bed, slipping on a shirt and sandals and heading out of his bedroom. He grabbed his car keys off the kitchen counter and headed out the door. Dean was going to talk to him, one way or another!_

_Dean was in his kitchen getting some water when the knocks came to his front door. His stomach literally dropped because he knew it was Seth. He knew Seth was coming over when he didn't text back._

_"Dean, open the door. I know you're awake."_

_Fuck. He walked up to the door. "Go home, Seth. I don't want to talk to you."_

_"Are you a fucking child? Stop acting like this is 3rd grade and open the got damn door!"_

_Dean unlocked the door, but didn't open it. He was acting foolish, he knew it. But then again, he never felt this way before._

_Seth opened the door and, without wasting any time, grabbed Dean's face and kissed him passionately, slamming the door behind him. Dean grunted, his head telling him to push Seth away, but his body wanted to pull him closer. He was so conflicted it hurt. He grabbed ahold of Seth's neck and started to kiss back, his body burning with desire. He had no idea what was happening to him or why it was even happening to him... but it was happening._

_Seth pushed him up against the wall, lifting his hands above his head and linking their fingers together while caressing the inside of Dean's mouth with his tongue. Dean moaned as he felt Seth's erection against him and feeling his own erection harden with each passing second._

_Dean had to stop this. He had to. "Stop," He grunted, using the little strength he had to push Seth away._

_"Dean, please. I don't want to fight this anymore."_

_"No, no." Dean moved away from him, running his hands through his hair and shaking his head. "This can't be happening."_

_"It is and I wish you wouldn't push it away so hard."_

_"You're my best friend, Seth! And not to mention, a guy!"_

_"Don't you think I know that? Don't you know how hard I've tried to push these feelings away, but they always seem to overpower me." He stepped closer to Dean. "I don't know what's happening, but I don't have the strength to fight it anymore."_

_Dean moved away and sat on the couch, stuffing his face in his head. "What the fuck is happening to me?"_

_"Just stop fighting it."_

_"How? How do I stop fighting something that I'm not even sure of?"_

_Seth sat down next to him and moved his hands from his face, rubbing his cheek. "Stop thinking about why it's wrong and start accepting how it makes you feel." Seth leaned forward and kissed him again._

_Dean closed his eyes and thought about pushing him away. He just stayed still as Seth nibbled on his lips and traced his tongue with the tip of his tongue, making his body react again. "Fuck..." He whispered._

_"Don't fight it." Seth said then proceeded to lay Dean down on the couch, sliding off his shirt and kissing his chest. Dean inhaled and put his hands on Seth's head, trying to relax and not over think this. Seth kissed his chest back up to his neck then kissed his lips again as he began to grind his body against Dean's._

_"I can't." Dean sighed, pushing Seth away. As much as his body was saying yes, he couldn't ignore that inch of no that was burning in the back of his mind._

_Seth sighed and sat back on the couch, pushing his hair back. "Look, I don't want to pressure you, but you've got to talk to me."_

_"What am I supposed to say, Seth? Before you kissed me, I never even had this feelings and now all of a sudden we're slobbering in each other's faces? What the fuck is that?" He stood up and went back into the kitchen, leaning against the counter._

_Seth groaned and followed him. "What do you want to do then?"_

_"I want you to just leave me alone and let me think. You can't just come barging in here and expect me to accept all of this. This isn't me... this isn't supposed to be happening."_

_"Whatever, Dean. But remember, you kissed me back so you obviously feel in someway that it's right."_

_"Just get out, Seth. I can't do this right now." Dean rubbed his eyes._

_Seth shook his head, grabbed his keys off the floor, and left the house._


	4. It's Time To Let Go

_**"It's Time To Let Go."**_

_Seth paced back and forth from one side of his kitchen to the other side. He was going completely insane and if he didn't do anything about it, he was going to go ballistic Dean has totally refused to talk to him. No phone calls, no text messages. He doesn't answer his door when Seth goes over there. The last time they spoke was when Seth went over to his house in the middle of the night and briefly at Roman's wedding, but even then Dean was answering with one or two word sentences. When Seth tried to pull him to the side, Dean would find an excuse to decline. And, he'd brought a date, which made Seth even more irate He couldn't take this anymore. Dean had to talk to him sometime._

_Dean was trying his hardest to keep busy, but the memory of Seth's lips on him always seemed to slip into his mind somehow. He had to fight harder than he ever had to in his life to not give into the damn temptation that was burning his soul. Fuck, what had Seth done to him? A week and a half ago, he would have never envisioned himself with a man. Now all of a sudden he couldn't stop thinking about being with Seth. The things his body felt when he thought about the way Seth kissed him and his erection growing against his stomach was something he never thought he'd feel. He started to hate himself... calling himself mean words, trying to test himself to see if he was really those things. He couldn't deny to himself. He could to the rest of the world, but not himself. Each time he looked in the mirror, it just kept flooding back into his brain. He was slowly falling for his best friend._

_**Seth: Damnit, Dean, talk to me!**_

_He sighed, throwing the phone back down on the bed and leaning back, rubbing his hands over his face and groaning. His phone buzzed again._

_**Seth: Please... I don't want to lose our friendship over this.**_

_Dean wanted to write back... he wanted to say that their friendship is already completely shattered. There was nothing at that point in time that they could do to restore it._

_**Seth: I'm coming over. Please open the door.**_

_Fuck... Dean stuffed his phone into his jean pocket and quickly grabbed a shirt, slipping it on and going in search for his car keys. When he found it, he went to the door, but stopped right in his tracks when Seth stood waiting for him._

_"Are you going somewhere?" He stepped forward._

_Dean moved his hair away from him. "No... uh, actually, I was gonna go for a drive."_

_"I know you got my text, Dean. Why are you avoiding me?"_

_"You know why, Seth. This," He pointed from himself to Seth. "This can't happen. It'll never happen."_

_Seth shook his head and stepped into Dean's house, closing the door behind him. "Can't we talk about it?"_

_"What is there to talk about, Seth? I'm not gay. I don't do... this."_

_"You're just over thinking things. If you just let go..."_

_"No! You're not hearing me. I. Do. Not. Do. This."_

_Seth walked up to him and pushed him against the wall, his body barely touching Dean's. "Then why do you respond to me so well?"_

_Dean refused to look at Seth. "Get away from me."_

_"Don't fight it anymore."_

_"Stop saying that."_

_"It's time to let go."_

_"No."_

_Seth leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Dean's neck, causing him to close his eyes and inhale deeply. "Stop fighting it." Seth whispered into his ear._

_Dean wanted so hard to fight against it, but he couldn't anymore. His body was a ball of fire, his fingers itched to touch him. He dropped everything in his head and grabbed Seth's face, kissing his lips with all the passion he'd been holding back for the past week. Seth moaned and kissed him back, pressing his body again Dean, hands on his hips. His tongue slipped into Dean's tongue as he began to unbuckle his belt, pulling him towards the bedroom. Dean took off Seth's shirt, while Seth pulled down his pants, leaning down to kiss Dean's stomach. He got on his knees and pulled down Dean's boxers, grabbing his hardened length and stroking it softly. Dean groaned, throwing his head back and feeling himself grow harder as Seth's tongue caressed the tip of his manhood. He grabbed a handful of Seth's hair as his wrapped his mouth around his length, causing Dean to errupt in continuous moans as pleasure ripped throughout his body, making him tremble. Seth continued his treatment before standing up and pulling Dean to the bed as he took off his own pants. Now, both naked, laying on the bed... Dean on top, staring into each other's eyes. There was no turning back. They knew from the moment they first kissed that the damage had been done and that there was no denying that they both wanted each other so bad._

_Dean leaned down and kissed Seth ever so lightly, brushing his hair away from his face. Seth smiled and did the same to Dean, holding the kiss for a bit longer. Dean moved away from Seth so he could get up and sit on the bed on his head and knees. Dean took in a shaky breath and leaned forward to kiss Seth's back all the way up, over his tattoo, and to his neck before guiding his manhood and slipping inside of Seth slowly. Seth groaned and squeezed the pillows, trying to adjust to Dean's size. After a few minutes, Dean was able to begin moving his hips back and forth. Everything else seemed to fade away as they made love. Dean was hungry with desire as he pushed himself into Seth, grabbing his manhood and stroking him while Seth moaned and enjoyed the ride immensely It seemed like hours before Dean exploded inside of him and Seth joined with his own contribution. They laid in each other's arms after, neither of them speaking, and fell asleep, basking in their after glow._


	5. It's Not Who I Am

_**"It's Not Who I Am."**_

_Dean woke up first the next morning and just stared at Seth. Last night, he had done something he told himself he was never going to do. He'd been with a man and no matter how much he tried to deny it, every fiber of his being was telling him that he loved it. He sighed and got off the bed, trying not to wake up Seth as he walked into the bathroom and got straight into the shower. Letting the water beat down on his head as he pushed his hair from his face, he wondered if anything was going to come of this. Part of him wanted something to but the other half just kept thinking about what everyone would say if they ever found out. _

_Shaking his head, he got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. When he went back in the bedroom, Seth was sitting up on the bed slipping his clothes back on._

_"Morning." Seth whispered, not quite meeting Dean's eyes._

_Dean leaned against the door jam. "Morning..." He whispered then cleared his throat. "Uh... are you leaving?"_

_Seth ran a hand through his hair. "I have a meeting in a couple hours." He lied. It was just too awkward for him to be around Dean and not know how he felt about last night._

_"Right," Dean said, scratching the back of his neck, not know what else to say. He really wished it wasn't so awkward._

_Seth got up from the bed and walked over to Dean, standing right in front of him. Dean looked at the ground, not able to meet Seth's eyes. Seth put his hand on Dean's chin, lifting his face up, making him look up at him. "I don't want this to chance anything." Seth whispered._

_Dean moved his eyes to look away. "It won't."_

_"Dean, look at me."_

_Dean moved Seth's hand from his chin and walked around him to go to his closet. "Just go, Seth. Everything is fine."_

_Seth walked up to Dean, wrapping his arms around Dean's waist, who sighed and closed his eyes as he felt Seth's fingers graze against his stomach. He couldn't deny the fire inside him that grew stronger every time Seth touched him._

_"Please don't let this change anything." Seth whispered in his ear._

_"How could I not?"_

_"By just accepting that it happened."_

_Dean shook his head. "There's nothing to accept."_

_Feeling Dean push away, Seth tightened his hold. "Please, Dean. I don't think I can handle not being with you again. I can't handle you acting like last night didn't mean anything."_

_"What did it mean to you? Huh, Seth? What do you honestly think is going to come of it?" Dean pushed Seth away from him. "Nothing. That's what is going to happen. Nothing. I don't want to be with you."_

_"You don't mean that." Seth whispered, his voice etched with pain._

_Dean hated himself for hurting Seth, but he needed to figure this out. He couldn't agree to give Seth his all if he wasn't sure he wanted to in the first place. "Get out, Seth. Just get out."_

_Seth walked up to him and grabbed his face, kissing him passionately as he pushed his body against Dean's. Dean shook his head and pushed Seth away from him. "GET THE FUCK OUT, SETH! I don't want to see you! I don't want to talk to you! I don't **want** you!"_

_"You don't mean that." Seth said, his heart shattering._

_"Get the fuck out or I'll throw you out." Dean turned away from Seth, not being able to look at his face. He didn't want to be mean... he just couldn't handle this right now._

_Seth finally took the hint. He didn't want to push Dean into anything he didn't want to do, but he also didn't want to risk losing him forever. Seth has loved Dean for months now... 2 weeks ago he got the courage to do something about it. Today, he felt like it was the end of something that had just begun. Sighing, Seth walked up to Dean again and placed a kiss on his neck, whispering softly. "I'll wait for you."_

_Once Dean heard the front door close, he lost it. Leaning on the wall, he slid down to the floor, face in his hands, and let out a loud sob. Tears fell out of his eyes as he felt his heart tightened. Why did he have to make everything so difficult? Why couldn't he just for once do something and not think about what everyone else is going to say about it? Seth was the only person, the only person, who'd stuck by him through everything. Whenever he was depressed, Seth was there to cheer him up. Whenever he did something stupid, Seth was there to bail him out. Seth had always been by his side, the only person who truly cared about him, and he was pushing him away... he was cowardly pushing him away._

_Seth sat in his car, his head on the steering wheel as tears rolled down his cheeks. He knew Dean like he knew his own self, but it still hurt to hear Dean's words as they echoed through his mind. All his life, Seth had been trying to figure out why he always felt so different. When he was with women, sure it was great, but the satisfaction that everyone talked about just wasn't there. Last night with Dean, he felt that passion, he felt every nerve in his body come alive when Dean touched him, kissed him, whispered to him. He wanted so bad to feel that again that his body ached with desire. He thought he would wake up this morning in Dean's arms, but when he rolled over and realized he was alone, he knew it wasn't good. Whenever Dean was left alone, he made irrational decisions and today he'd made one. He pushed Seth away._

_**The next morning, **__Seth tried to call Dean's phone, but it was turned off. He probably left it by the door and let it die. Sighing, he grabbed his keys and headed over to Dean's house, hoping he wouldn't get pushed away again._

_He knocked on the door, repeating his speech over and over in his mind, nervousness suddenly taking over. A couple minutes passed and Seth decided to knock harder this time._

_Dean unlocked the door and opened it wide. "What's up, Seth?" He asked as if nothing was the matter._

_"You're phone is turned off." Seth whispered, trying to focus on Dean's eyes instead of his bare chest and boxers. "We need to talk."_

_"I can't talk right now, bro. I'm kind of busy."_

_"Doing what, Dean? We have to talk about this."_

_"Dean?" Someone called from inside the apartment._

_Dean closed his eyes for a moment before responding. "I'll be right there."_

_"Who's that?" Seth asked._

_"None of your business. Go home, Seth, and leave me the fuck alone."_

_Seth held the door open when Dean tried to close it in his face. "You're not going to push me away."_

_"No, I'm going to punch you in your fucking face if you don't leave me the hell alone."_

_A beautiful woman with blonde here, blue eyes, a model type body wearing nothing but a thong as her double D's bounced walked up to Dean, standing behind him and looking at Seth. "Who's he?" She whispered in Dean's ear._

_"He's nobody." Dean said, looking straight at Seth._

_"Dean..." Seth felt his heart break all over again._

_"Come back to bed soon, baby." The woman said as she traced Dean's jaw line with the tip of her tongue before walking away._

_"Really, Dean?" Seth whispered, stepping closer to him. "Are you fucking kidding me?"_

_"Look, this isn't me. I'm not like you, Seth, and you need to learn to accept that."_

_"No, you need to learn to accept that what happened between us was fucking real. You felt it, I felt it, and I can't believe you can just stand there and deny it while burying your dick into some random bitch!"_

_Dean pushed Seth out of the doorway, closing the door behind him. "You watch your fucking mouth, Seth. I don't need to accept shit because as far as I'm concerned, nothing happened between us. Nothing will ever happen. You need to leave me the fuck alone and realize that we're just two completely different people and it'll never work out between us."_

_"Why did you do it, then, Dean? Why did make love me to me if you were just going to bitch out the next morning? Huh?! Answer me, got damnit!"_

_"Seth, just leave me alone." Dean whispered. "I can't do this right now. My head is on the verge of exploding and I can't be around you..." He stopped talking, shaking his head. "I just can't do this right now."_

_Seth nodded. "Fine. Fine, you go ahead and fuck some random bitch and see if that makes you feel any better. Because I know, Dean, I know that when you cum inside of her, you're going to be wishing it was me screaming your name." Seth walked away, trying to keep Dean from seeing the tears spilling out of his eyes. He would leave him alone. Dean will learn and come running back to him._

_Dean leaned against the wall outside of his apartment, trying to keep his emotions underway. "Fuck," He said to himself, smacking his forehead with his palm over and over again. "Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!" He hit the wall with his elbow before walking into the house, slipping out of his boxers, and walking into the bedroom. He went up to the woman he picked up at the bar last night, threw her roughly on the bed, ripped her thong off and fucked her senseless... thoughts of Seth clouding his mind._


	6. I Need You

_**"I Need You."**_

_Dean stood in his patio, smoking his second cigarette since he woke up an hour ago. He pressed his palm to his forehead, wishing that Seth's face would leave his memory, wishing that he didn't have the urge to call him, to hold him... to make love to him._

_Groaning, he threw his cigarette over the ledge and walked back into his house, grabbing a beer off the table and chugging it down. He was going back into his depressive state. Times like these is when Seth would help him get through whatever he was going through, but since the problem was him, there was nothing he could do. It'd been three days since they talked and Dean was growing impatient. He half expected Seth to come running back each day, but he hadn't even text Dean since he sent him away._

_Grabbing his phone, he decided to call his other best friend. "Roman, what's up, man?"_

_"Nothing much, man, just woke up. Where have you been lately?"_

_"Nowhere and everywhere." Dean said, sitting on his couch. "You want to go shoot some hoops?"_

_"Sure. I'll call Seth and..."_

_"No!... Um, I-I talked to Seth already and he said he was busy, so..." Dean lied._

_"Oh, alright, then. I have an appointment at 1, so we can meet at around 4 if you want."_

_Dean looked at the clock and saw that it was 10:32. He sighed, needing to get out now before he went completely crazy. "Alright, bro, I'll see you at 4."_

_"Alright, see you."_

_He hung up the phone and threw it on the coffee table. Rubbing his face, he tried not to get frustrated but ended up throwing the beer bottle against the wall before getting up and walking to the bedroom._

_"Get up." He said, rolling his eyes._

_The woman laying on the bed shifted and looked up at Dean with her sleepy brown eyes. "Good morning to you, too."_

_Dean sighed. "You have to go. I've got somewhere to be."_

_She got up, slipping her shirt over her bare breasts and stood up. "You're definitely not a morning person." She rolled her eyes and stood up, bending to grab her shorts off the floor and sliding them on._

_Dean shook his head and walked up to her, pulling her to him by the waist. "Come over again tonight."_

_"Why should I?"_

_"Because last night was the best night of your life."_

_She blushed and looked down. "Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't."_

_He smiled. "I'll text you when to come over, alright?"_

_"Fine." She said and looked up at him. He leaned down and kissed her lips before leading her out of the door._

_When she was gone, he went to go shower and got dressed in some jeans, a plain white shirt, and a jacket. He slipped his sneakers on, grabbed his car keys, cell phone, and basketball then left the house._

_Dean wasn't really planning on going anywhere, just driving around for a while trying to get his mind off of everything. Suddenly, after doing two laps around the block, he found himself heading in the direction of Seth's house. So many times on the way there he tried to turn around, but he just couldn't. He needed to feel Seth's skin and kiss his lips. When he reached Seth's house, he didn't bother to take anything, leaving his phone in the car, locked the doors, and practically ran into the house. He was completely out of his mind... he was losing it. He didn't see Seth, but he heard the shower running. Closing the door, he made his way to Seth's bedroom, his eyes widening at how messy it was. Seth was usually an organized guy so seeing his clothes thrown on the floor, bed undone, cups and plates everywhere really surprised him._

_Dropping to his knees, he grabbed one of Seth's shirts and brought it to his nose, inhaling his scent and sighed. God... why was he here? He still hadn't figured everything out, but yet here he was in the middle of Seth's room, smelling his shirt. Hearing the water go off, he stood up and quickly left the house, getting in his car, and driving away as fast as he could._

_Seth got out the shower and dried his body, wiping his face from the water and tears that were plastered on it. He sighed, wiping the mirror, and staring at his puffy eyes, feeling completely pathetic. Dean was most likely living his life, not worried about Seth, while he was here crying out his eyes every night and doing everything possible to avoid any kind of human interaction._

_Slipping on some boxers and shorts, he walked back into his bedroom, drying his hair. He checked his phone and saw that he had a missed call and a message. Getting his hopes up, he opened the message and frowned when he saw it wasn't from Dean. Taking his phone, he laid back on the bed and scrolled through his contacts until he reached Dean's name. He wrote a text message and saved it to his drafts, knowing he didn't have the courage to send it._

_He called Roman back._

_"Finally, man, I called you an hour ago."_

_"I was in the shower." Seth said. "How are you? How was the honeymoon?"_

_"It was amazing. You okay, man? You sound like shit."_

_"I'm fine, bro. Just going through some bullshit. Nothing to worry about."_

_"Oh, okay. Well, Dean and I are going to shoot hoops later. What are you doing that you can't make it?"_

_Closing his eyes, he knew Roman had already talking to Dean. "I just... something came up." He lied. "Maybe next week I'll be free."_

_"Alright, well if your plans somehow get cancelled, come meet us. We haven't had guys time in a while."_

_'Not involving you.' Seth thought and shook his head. "Alright, bro. I'll see what I can do. I'll hit you up later."_

_"Alright, see you, bro."_

_Throwing his phone on the floor, Seth flipped over on his stomach and buried his face in the pillow, feeling himself about to cry again._

_**Later that day, **__Seth woke up and noticed that it was almost 1 pm. Sighing, he reached over the bed and grabbed his phone. No new texts, no new calls. Throwing it back on the bed, he got up and walked out the room. After washing his teeth, he went into the kitchen and started fixing himself something to eat when someone knocked on his front door._

_Before he could open the door, Dean walked in, grabbed the back of Seth's neck, pulled him close, and kissed him passionately. Turning him around, Dean pushed him against the door, his fingers in Seth's hair, his tongue caressing the inside of Seth's mouth. Dean groaned deeply, pushing his body against Seth's, who was rubbing his hands up Dean's back. Dean's hand slid down to grab Seth's face, moving it to the side so he could kiss his neck._

_Seth moaned, wanting Dean so bad, but his confusion growing by the second. "Dean..."_

_"Don't." Dean said against Seth's neck, shaking his head. "Please, don't." He began to slide his tongue along Seth's neck, leading it down his chest._

_"Dean, please... wait..."_

_Dean didn't stop, his fingers working to pull down Seth's pants as he continued his trail of kisses and licks down Seth's chest, inhaling his scent as he did earlier and loving the way his skin felt._

_"God... Dean..."_

_"Ssh," Dean hushed him, kissing his stomach. "I need you."_

_Seth closed his eyes, wanting Dean too... but he was afraid Dean didn't want him the way Seth did. "Dean, I'm not going to be your fuck buddy..."_

_Dean closed his eyes, putting his head down as his hands fell to the floor. "What the fuck, Seth?"_

_It took all of Seth to move away from Dean and pulled his pants back up. "You didn't come here to tell me you wanted to be with me. You came here to tell me you needed to fuck me because none of those women you fucked can satisfy you as much as I did."_

_Dean stood up and walked up to Seth. "You keep telling me accept this shit, and I'm trying! Why do you keep making this so difficult for me?"_

_"Because I want you, Dean!" He yelled, grabbing Dean's jacket and pulling him closer. He put his forehead on Dean's as tears stung in his eyes. He didn't want to cry... not in front of Dean. "I want you, I **need** you, and it's so much more than the way you want and need me."_

_"Admitting that I even needed you took long enough. Please, can you just accept that?" Dean reached his hand up and placed it on Seth's neck._

_Seth closed his eyes and sighed. "I just..." Sighing, he pressed his lips against Dean's as a tear fell out of his eye. He loved this man so much and it killed him that Dean wouldn't try harder._

_Dean pushed Seth's hair from his face as he pulled their lips away and began to kiss the tears spilling out of Seth's eyes. "I'm sorry."_

_"Please try."_

_"I have."_

_"Not hard enough." Seth voice cracked as he grabbed Dean's jacket harder. He didn't want to let him go. "It's not enough, Dean."_

_Sighing, Dean moved away from him, grabbing his wrists when Seth wouldn't let go on his jacket. "Let go, Seth." Dean whispered, his voice shaking._

_"Please, Dean. I want to be with you... I need to be with you."_

_"If you want more than what we've done, I can't give it to you, Seth, I just can't." Pushing his hands off of his jacket, he kissed Seth one more time before walking away and not looking back._


	7. Don't Leave

_**"Don't Leave."**_

_**(Short & boring ; this is just a fill in chapter)**_

_Seth was half ass listening to Roman talk about his honeymoon. The last thing he wanted to do was see or hear about anything having to do with love when Dean wouldn't even speak to him._

_"You alright, man?" Roman asked. "You seem kind of distracted."_

_Seth shook his head. "Nah, I'm fine. I just have a lot on my mind." He sighed. He didn't have much on his mind except for Dean. "Have you heard from Dean?"_

_"Nah, I haven't heard from him since last week when we were supposed to shoot some hoops." Roman shrugged, sipping on his soda. "He never showed up at the park. Oh, he did text me back a couple days ago just to tell me that he was alright, that he needed some time away. That's about it, though."_

_Seth frowned, trying to hide his disappointment He'd called and text Dean many times and he wrote Roman back but not him. Seth hadn't been in a good place this past week or so. Whenever he's not working, he's at home feeling sorry for himself. He'd fallen into such a dark place and he didn't know if anything could get him out of it, except for Dean. As Roman took a phone call outside, Seth covered his face with his hands and sighed deeply, the depression taking over again. It'd gone as far as him packing some of his stuff up in plans to move out of the state. Maybe getting away from the situation would help him, even though he knew it wouldn't. He just didn't want to hurt anymore... he didn't want to cry or beg to God to bring Dean back._

_Roman came back to the table. "Alright, bro. Let's get out of here and shoot some hoops. You up for it?"_

_Seth just wanted to go home, but he knew Roman would question him about it. "Yeah, sure. Let's go."_

_Dean wasn't worried about the speed limit as he drove back home, windows down, music blasting, cigarette in hand. It's been a week since he's slept in his bed or seen anyone who he knew. Vegas had been the perfect place for him to go to get his mind off everything... or so he'd hoped. It helped the first two nights as he played the slots and tables at the casino, or buried himself in between some random woman's legs. The fact that he was considerably drunk half the time helped matters as well. After those first few days, he started to think about Seth more, miss him more, want him more._

_Groaning, he pulled over to the side of the road and grabbed his phone. He looked through Seth's messages that her never replied to._

_**Seth: Dean, where are you? It's been two days.**_

_**Seth: Please just talk to me. I'm worried about you.**_

_**Seth: Tell me where you are. I'll come to you.**_

_**Seth: You're really starting to worry me, Dean.**_

_**Seth: It's been 5 days. Where the hell are you?**_

_**Seth: Come on! Fucking talk to me!**_

_Sighing, he flicked his cigarette out the window, putting his head on the steering. He felt so emotional drained when it came to Seth and this was new to him... feeling drained and especially because of a man. He never thought he would ever feel like this, but he couldn't deny it. Seth was invading his every thought. Everything reminded him of Seth, his skin, his lips, his hair... even his goofy stupid gap. He groaned again. "Fuck." He said to himself before putting the car back in park and speeding all the way home. Dean couldn't get the image of Seth's face the last time he saw him, knowing his heart was breaking each time Dean pulled away from him. Reaching the main road, he decided to go see Seth, knowing that he wasn't going to resist being so close to him without being near him._

_**Later that night**_

_Seth was in his kitchen making some dinner for himself. Today, he'd hung out with Roman all day and was glad that Dean wasn't on his mind, if even for two hours. Taking out the chicken from the oven and turning off the stove, he fixed a plate and headed to the table. Before he could sit down, there was a knock on the door. Sighing, he went to answer it and froze when Dean stood on the other side._

_"W-what..."_

_Dean scratched the back of his head, not quite looking at Seth. "Hey."_

_Seth wanted to hug him, breathe in his scent, but he didn't move. "Where have you been, Dean? I've been worried sick."_

_"I know. I'm sorry..." He closed his eyes and sighed. "I didn't... mean to hurt you."_

_"Where'd you go?"_

_Dean shook his head. "You don't want to know the answer to that." He walked around Seth, his fingers itching to be buried in his hair. "I just needed to get away. Being around you is intoxicating. I thought if I got away from you, I could figure all this out, but I'm honestly more confused as I was last week..." He trailed off, realizing he was rambling._

_Seth closed the door, crossing his arms across his chest, staring at Dean. "Are you hungry? I made some dinner."_

_"I could eat." Dean frowned and moved to sit at the table._

_Seth went into the kitchen, trying to keep his emotions at bay. He was angry with Dean, but at the same time he was happy to be back and even more excited that he was even talking to him. Fixing him a plate and grabbing them a couple beers, he went back and sat across him him at the table. "Here you go." He set the plate and a beer in front of Dean._

_"Thanks." Dean mumbled and went for the beer first, opening it and taking a long slug of it. "I was in Vegas." He said._

_"Vegas," Seth repeated, nodding his head. "What was in Vegas?"_

_"Everything I needed to get my mind off of you."_

_"Did it work?"_

_"At first... but then I stopped trying." He shrugged, pushing the food around his plate with the fork. "I started to miss you."_

_Seth, who now lost his appetite, pushed the plate away from him and rubbed his face. "Dean, I can't keep going back and forth with you. This whole week, I was miserable. You wouldn't answer my texts or my calls and at one point, I started to think you were dead. That was hard for me. And now, you want to come waltzing in here and tell me all this stuff as if it's going to change anything. You don't change, Dean, so why are you even here?" Seth didn't want to be mean, but Dean can't keep playing with his emotions like that. His heart just couldn't handle being played with. _

_Dean shrugged, finally moving the fork to his mouth and tasting some of the potatoes. Sighing, he put the fork back down and continued to drink his beer. His mind was all over the place. All he wanted to do was touch Seth. Dean closed his eyes, leaning forward on the table. "I don't do this, Seth... but I don't want to be apart from you anymore. It hurts too much."_

_Seth wanted to reach over and grab his hand, but didn't want to freak him out even more. "Then don't." He responded softly. "We don't have to do anything, just don't leave again. Please." He knew he sounded desperate, but he really was. He couldn't standing being away from Dean, worrying about him constantly... losing sleep over the fact that he was gone._

_Dean sighed, looking back into Seth's eyes. "I'm scared."_

_Seth's heart shattered for the man he fell in love with. Standing up, he went over to Dean and kneeled in front of him. "I am, too. I'm scared every day. But I promise you, Dean, I will never do anything to make you regret this." Seth grabbed his hand. "To regret us. I'm so in love with you." He blurted the last sentence out before he can stop himself._

_Dean quickly moved away. "I should go." He mumbled._

_"Dean..."_

_"No, Seth. I just... I'll talk to you tomorrow." He walked around Seth and left the house, even more scared and confused than he was before arriving._


	8. Hold Me

_**"Hold Me."**_

_"I don't give a fuck about anything because I am God!"_

_Dean was drunk. Even intoxicated, he knew he was acting a damn fool, but he just didn't care. After leaving Seth's house, he needed to feel something other than confusion and utter fright. Slamming his hands on the counter, he looked up at the bartender. "Give me another shot. Any fucking thing."_

_The bartender, obviously afraid, give Dean the shot and quickly walked away. Dean took the shot, groaning as the burning liquid slid down his throat. "Fuck!" He yelled, slamming the shot glass down on the table._

_They'd long since taken his car keys, but he was ready to leave. He wanted to sleep until tomorrow night then get drunk again. "Give me my damn keys!" He yelled to no one in particular. Getting up from the bar, he walked through the sea of people and out of the bar. It was raining now, darkness sounding him. Walking down the sidewalk, he began singing, yelling at people who looked at him, and cursing because each person looked like Seth. He couldn't get him out of his mind._

_Stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, he unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down, peeing on the side of the road. It wasn't long before the red and blue lights began to blind him, making his headache that much worse._

_"Sir, pull your pants up." The officer said, walking up to him._

_"Fuck off." Dean groaned as he finished urniating._

_"Sir, I'm going to need you to pull your pants up and come with me."_

_"God, you damn police cops are annoying!" He yelled, pulling his pants up. "Are you going to arrest me, huh, officer? Fucking arrest me, then!" He began to yell in the officers face._

_The officer grabbed Dean's wrist, turning him around as he applied the handcuffs. Dean groaned as the cold metal was tightened against his skin while the officer told him his rights. He'd reach an all time low... he knew it._

_Seth woke up suddenly, hearing his phone ringing in the distance. Rubbing his eyes, he quickly got up and grabbed his phone off the dresser. "Yeah?" He answered._

_"Is this Seth Rollins?"_

_Seth looked at the screen, not noticing the number. "Yeah, who's this?"_

_"This is Sheriff Bishop from the police department. We have a Dean Ambrose here and he gave us your number."_

_Seth closed his eyes, leaning on the dresser still rubbing his eyes. "What did he do?"_

_"Public intoxication. Are you able to pick him up?"_

_"Yeah, I guess." Seth sighed. "I'll be there in a few minutes."_

_Hanging up the phone, he opened the dresser and pulled out some sweat pants. "Fuck, Dean." He groaned, slipping on a shirt, grabbing his phone and keys, and headed out the door._

_Pulling up to the police station, he quickly rain inside trying not to get completely soaked. He walked up to the front desk. "I'm here to pick up Dean Ambrose."_

_The officer nodded and looked through some paperwork. "One moment. I'll bring him out." He grabbed his set of keys and headed through a locked door to the back. Seth shook his head, not believing that this was happening. He looked around the empty police station, trying to keep his cool._

_Dean came back with the officer and signed a few sheets of paper. Without looking in Seth's direction, he walked around him and headed out the police station._

_"Dean!" Seth yelled, running after him. "Dean, what the fuck is wrong with you?"_

_"Just take me home, Seth. I'm not in the mood."_

_"You think I'm in the mood to fucking come out here in the middle of the night to pick you up?" They reached Seth's car. Seth went around to the passengers' side and grabbed Dean's arm. "What is wrong with you?"_

_"Right now, you are." Dean said, pushing Seth away. "Take me home."_

_Seth shook his head, pushing his wet hair back. "You're so ridiculous, Dean. I didn't have to come pick you up. I could have stayed at home sleeping, but I came, and this is the thanks I get? Real fucking piece of work."_

_"You don't owe me a damn thing, Seth." Dean shook his head, turning around and putting his hands on the top of the car, closing his eyes. "Please, just take me home, Seth."_

_Seth threw his hands up in frustration, walking back around the car and unlocked the door. Dean wasn't going to push him away anymore. He didn't care what he had to do._

_Dean fell asleep on the way back to Seth's house. Pulling into the parking spot and turning off the car, Seth stared at the man, watching the way his chest fell and rose. He reached over, sliding his fingers through his hair softly so not to wake up him. Seth was itching to touch him, to kiss him, to be with him every second of every day._

_Dean shifted, his hand coming up to Seth's arm as he turned his head and kissed the palm of Seth's hand. Sighing, he opened his eyes and stared back at Seth. "What are you doing to me?" He whispered._

_"I could ask you the same question."_

_Dean shook his head. "You knew you... you loved me before all this. You kissed me and now... I can't even get you out of my mind."_

_Seth dropped his hand, running it through his hair. "I didn't mean to push you into anything, Dean. I just couldn't deny my feeling for you anymore."_

_Dean leaned over, grabbing Seth face, and kissing him passionately, shutting his eyes close as he sighed against Seth's lips. Seth's fingers drowned his Dean's hair, pushing his face closer, not getting enough of him. Unbuckling his seat belt, Seth moved to straddle Dean in his seat, moaning against his lips as his body began to react to being so close to Dean, hearing his sounds and feeling his fingers on his skin. Seth's lips traveled to Dean's neck as he began to slide his fingers up his shirt._

_"I need you..." Dean moaned. "I need you so fucking bad, Seth."_

_Groaning, Seth pulled away, grabbed his keys, and opened the door. "Come inside." He said before walking to his house. Unlocking the front door, he threw his keys to the slide, taking off his clothes and looked back to see Dean walk into the house. Seth was naked, staring over at Dean half expecting him to run and hoping to God he didn't._

_Dean swallowed hard, looking at Seth's body, his own body reacting to the sight. He couldn't deny how much he wanted Seth as he began to take off his clothes, eyes never leaving Seth's. Stepping out of his pants, he walked over to Seth and pulling his close, kissing him softly as their breathing began to escalate Seth rubbing his hands through Dean's hairy chest, down to his smooth stomach until he reached the length of him, wrapping his hand around it and stroking it softly. Dean moaned, leaning his head back as Seth kissed his neck again, moving his hand up and down Dean's shaft, feeling him getting harder in his hand._

_Dean's fingers ran down Seth's back as he shut his eyes closed, his moans feeling the air as the room seemed to close in on them, causing his body to sweat as Seth's hand teased his length. He needed so bad to be inside, Seth... feel his skin stretch on account of him and hear his name moan escape Seth's lips. Grabbing his hand, Dean pulled Seth over to the couch, looking into his eyes. "I can't wait..." He whispers, rubbing Seth's cheek with the back of his hand._

_"I need you to promise me you won't regret this tomorrow morning." Seth said, his voice shaking with desire, etched with pain._

_"I promise. God, yes, I promise." Dean sighed, kissing Seth's lips again._

_Seth nodded, wanting so bad to believe Dean, and turned around to bend over the couch, holding the end of it for support. Dean grabbed his hips and slowly inched himself inside of Seth, groaning as he finally felt the pleasured he'd been acting for... that no one had been able to give him except for Seth. Sliding his hands up Seth's back, he grabbed his hair, pulling it roughly as he drove himself deep inside Seth._

_Seth moaned loudly, tears burning in his eyes from the painful pleasure Dean was inflicting on him. His nails dug into the couch as Dean pulled his hair back and pump inside and out of him, fast, hard, and deep, causing Seth to explode inside over and over again. Reaching down, he grabbed his own length and masturbated as he listened to Dean's deep grunts and moaned, and the tears flowed out of his eyes. The love he felt for Dean was something that he never thought was possible. He wanted more than anything at that moment for Dean to love him back._

_Dean came inside of Seth, his body covered in sweat, shaking from the aftermath of the love making. Closing his eyes, he leaned against Seth, kissing his back and sighed. He slid himself out of Seth and fell back on the floor, rubbing his hands over his face. He didn't understand why he was feeling this way. He wanted Seth in the worst possible way, but could he open himself up to love the man who drives him completely insane with lust?_

_Seth sat beside Dean, looking down at him, and running his fingers through his sweaty hair. "Are you alright?"_

_Dean nodded. "Sure. Are you?"_

_"Yeah."_

_Dean moved his hands and looked up at him. "I'm not going to freak out." He assured Seth._

_Seth smiled. "Hold me."_

_They fell asleep in each other's arms, both wishing that come sunrise the magic they felt tonight would still be there._


	9. Can I Do This?

_**"Can I Do This?"**_

_**(Another short fill-in chapter.)**_

_Dean woke up the next morning, squinting at the light that was coming in through the opened window. He looked over at him and noticed Seth was still laying next to him, back facing him. Turning over, he softly kissed Seth's shoulder and sighed against his skin. He closed his eyes as memories of last night filled his mind, his body reacting. "Fuck." He whispered. He never felt this way and it scared the living hell out of him. Getting up from the ground, he grabbed their still wet clothes and went to the laundry room, throwing it in the washer for a cycle. After he was done, he headed to the bathroom, warming the water as he took a leak then found an unused toothbrush in the cabinet and brushing his teeth. Slipping into the shower, he stood underneath the water, letting it wash away the sticky substance that was plastered on his body as memories of last night assaulted his memories again. God... the way Seth moaned his name stirred something inside him, made him crazy with desire._

_Seth woke up and automatically panicked, not feeling Dean's presence next to him. Turning over and touching the ground he'd been laying on, he sighed, hearing the water running in the bathroom. Getting up, he tied his hair back before heading to the bathroom and slowly opening the door. He watched Dean through the glass doors of his shower for a moment before brushing his teeth and walking over, opening the shower door._

_Dean looked back at Seth, his eyes roaming over his beautiful body. "Morning." He mumbled._

_"Good morning." Seth said. "Mind if I join you?"_

_"It's your shower..." Dean said before leaning against the wall, almost begging for Seth to touch him._

_Groaning inwardly Seth moved to Dean, pinning him against the wall and began to kiss his neck, his hands roaming all over his muscular body. Dean moaned as he lightly scratching Seth;s back before grabbing his ass and pushing his body closing, rubbing his hardening length against Seth's and groaning at the pleasure that coursed through his body._

_Placing his mouth against Seth's ear, he whispered how good he made him feel, his hands reaching around to grab Seth's length as he began to stroke him. Seth did the same, moving his hand up and down Dean's thick manhood as they both moaned against each other's skin. They continued to pleasure each other until Seth exploded in Dean's hand, Dean not too far behind with his own climax. Breathing heavily, Dean dropped his hands off of Seth's body, running his fingers through his hair. As soon as he caught his breath, he moved around Seth and quickly left the bathroom, taking a towel with him._

_Seth closed his eyes, putting his head against the shower wall and sighed. He felt the coldness Dean presented before leaving the bathroom. He knew where this was heading and he tried to keep his emotions in check. Turning off the shower, he grabbed a towel, drying himself before wrapping it around his waist and walking to the front part of the house._

_Dean stood in the patio needing to have a cigarette in his hand. He thought that it was going to be easier in the morning, but it wasn't. He still didn't know how far he wanted this to go... if he even had the guts to let it turn into something. All he kept thinking about was what would their friends say. He was more worried about everyone else than he was about himself._

_"Dean."_

_He closed his eyes as Seth walked up behind him. "Yes?"_

_Seth sighed. "Look, if you don't want to do this, fine. I'm so freaking tired of putting myself out there just to get hurt again."_

_Dean turned around and stared at him. "Seth, you don't understand, okay? It's not something I can explain, it's just..." He shook his head, running a hand down his face. "It's hard."_

_"Don't you think it's hard for me, too?"_

_"That's just it, Seth! We're not talking about you. You always want to turn this around and make it about you. Can you just try to understand my view for a minute?" He leaned back against the patio barrier, sighing. "You knew before all this started that this is what you wanted. You came in this ready for something to happen. I came into this blindsided. I had no idea you even felt that way about me and I feel like you're just expecting me to accept it without any thought. That's not me and considering you've known me for a while now, I thought you would've known that it's not me."_

_"The last thing I wanted to do was push you into something you weren't ready for..."_

_"But you did." Dean cut him off. "You did, Seth, and now I'm confused and scared and..." He groaned, turning back away from him. "I don't want to keep hurting you."_

_Seth walked up to him, leaning over to place a kiss on his back. "I just want you so bad, Dean. I've never wanted to be with someone as much as I want to be with you."_

_Dean tensed up, hoping Seth wouldn't say those three words to him again. "If you just give me some time, I promise..." He thought about his choice of words. "Just give me time. That's all I'm asking."_

_"Don't leave again. Do whatever you need to do, just don't go away."_

_Turning around, Dean pulled Seth to him and hugged him tightly, closing his eyes as he inhaled Seth's scent. "Let's just try to get through today without the heavy emotional stuff, okay?"_

_Seth nodded. "I'd like that."_

_They went back inside and began to cook breakfast and ate as their clothes dried. Dean wanted so bad to let his guard down and be with Seth the way Seth wanted to be with him, but it was hard. After breakfast, they sat on the couch and talked about Dean's time in Vegas, without all the glory detials about the stripper and hookers Dean was with. They stole kisses, touched each other, and acting like horny teenagers throughout most of the day. Dean felt comfortable with Seth and by the middle of the day, he'd decided to give this thing a try... to give them a chance._


	10. Are You Serious?

_**"Are You Serious?"**_

_"What the hell are you doing here?"_

_Leana Ramirez smiled as she looked at her best friend's messed up hair, droopy eyes, and soft, but hard around the edges, face. It'd been years since she saw her best friend and laughed at his greeting. "Well, hello to you, too, Poppy."_

_"Don't call me that. Honestly," He shook his head, walking away from the door. "You disappear off the face of the earth for 3 years and you pop back up like it's nothing. Where the hell have you been?" He turned and glared at her._

_Leana, still smiling widely, walked into Dean's apartment, closing the door, kicking off her shoes, and setting her purse on the kitchen counter. "God, you sure do know how to greet a girl."_

_He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "How do you even know where I live?"_

_"I called your mom and asked her. What did I tell you about not calling her?"_

_"Don't start, Leana." He groaned._

_"Alright, okay." She laughed, sitting on the bar stool. "I love messing with you."_

_"Yeah, you're the only person who can get away with it without getting cursed out."_

_"So can you blame me for doing it?"_

_He stared at her before shaking his head. "Answer my questions now."_

_"Fine. I'm here to see what my best friend has been up to for the past 3 years and as to where I've been... all over to be honest. Is there a Chinese place around here? I'm starving!"_

_Dean knew he wasn't going to get much out of Leana. He met her in high school and for some reason they just clicked. Having dated for a few months, they decided to just stay friends, occasionally having sex when one or the other was in need. After high school, they were their separate ways, but always stayed in contact. She was pretty much the only person he could tell everything to until he met Seth. He sighed at the thought of Seth. A week has passed since the night he got arrested and they made love. _

_Shaking his head, he grabbed a beer out of the fridge and walking to the couch and sat down. "There's a menu in the kitchen drawer. Help yourself."_

_"You were just in the kitchen, you jerk."_

_He smiled. "Now I'm not."_

_Groaning, she walked into the kitchen and grabbed the menu. She couldn't help but smile when she was around Dean. He always made her feel better and even if they hadn't seen each other in 3 years, it feels as though she never left. Ordering some food for them, she sat on the couch next to him and took his beer. "So, what have you been up to?" She looked at him as she drank out of his beer._

_Dean shook his head, wondering how he ever survives being around this woman. "Not much really. Work, home, work, home. That's all I do."_

_She rose an eyebrow. "No special someone?"_

_Seth popped into his mind, but Dean quickly pushed that thought away. There was no way he was going to tell Leana about his Seth problems. "No, no special someone."_

_"You're lying. Come on, spill."_

_Dean passed a hand through his hair. "It's nothing, Leana. She just some girl." He lied, shrugging it off like it was nothing. He really didn't want to talk about this. Even after a week of him pretending to be okay with this, having secret date nights with Seth and making love to him every night, he still couldn't get his thoughts straight on if this was what he wanted to do. Not being able to tell Leana is a big changer in his eyes, seeing as he'd told her every single thing there is to know about him._

_"Fine, don't tell me. I won't tell you where I've been." She smiled at him._

_He glared back at her. "You just love to twist my gears, don't you?"_

_She set the bottle down on the floor and leaned over to him, pressing her body against his arm and began to play with his hair. "Dean, I'm just trying to catch up, but you're being difficult."_

_"You're the one who left, Leana. Not me."_

_"And I'm sorry for that. But you couldn't have expected me to stay cooped up in this town forever." She stared into his eyes._

_"Don't do that." He moved away from her as he felt himself reacting to her. He hated how much affect she had on him. "Don't try to seduce me to get out of this."_

_She sighed, sitting back on the couch. "I'm not talking about it right now, Dean, so you might as well forget it."_

_"You should have stayed wherever the hell you were then." He got up and walked to his bedroom, slamming his door._

_Seth looked at his sister, a huge smile spreading across his face. "You look amazing."_

_Marie Rollins smiled, trying not to cry. Today, she was married the man of her dreams and she couldn't be happier. "Thank you, Seth. You look great as well. You should wear suits more."_

_"I'll stick to jeans and t-shirts." He laughed, spinning her around as they danced. "I can't believe my little sister is married."_

_"I can't believe it either. I thought I was going to be alone forever." She looked down at her ring before looking around to meet her husbands' eyes._

_"Greg is a great guy. I know he'll treat you will."_

_"That means a lot coming from you, big bro. " She smiled, looking back at Set. "You didn't like anyone I dated growing up."_

_Seth smiled, but before he could answer, his parents interrupted them, telling Marie she needed to attend to her guests. Seth hated when his parents acting like this were they're day more than it was Marie's. _

_"Seth, why didn't you bring a date tonight?" His mother asked, fixing his tie._

_Seth grabbed his mother's wrists to stop her. "Because I don't need one. And stop treating me like I'm 7, mom. I'm a grown man, I can fix my own tie."_

_"Don't speak to your mother that way, Seth." Usually a quiet man, his father would only speak when his wife was getting disrespected. Other than that, he wouldn't say much._

_"I'm going to go talk to some of the guests."_

_"Oh, Seth. Why don't you go speak to Heather? I heard she was single and..."_

_"Mom, stop trying to set me up with women." He rolled his eyes._

_His mother waved him off. "You need a woman in your life, honey. You can't keep living the way you do. Do you plan on being alone for the rest of your life."_

_"That really doesn't sound like a bad idea."_

_"Ay, por favor." She shook her head. "You need a woman in your life, I'm telling you, Seth. One day, you're going to wake up and old man and regret your life if you don't get married and have children."_

_"I don't need a woman. You know what?" Shaking his head, Seth walked away from his parents. He needed to get away from them before he did or said something he would regret. Grabbing his phone out of his pocket, he dialed Dean's number, hoping he would pick up. After 5 rings, Seth hung up and text him._

_**Please come save me.**_

_Sitting down at a random table, he started thinking about the past week, a smile plastered on his face. Dean was finally starting to open up to him and began to accept their relationship .. or so he thought. He wanted to believe that Dean finally learned to accept them, but at times he still feels like he's holding back. Sometimes after they made love, Dean wouldn't want to be touched and in the morning he wouldn't be there. But he'd always come back to Seth, apologizing for what he did. Seth closed his eyes. He was weak for the man that has completely stolen his heart. Knowing every inch, every curve of his body, made him want him so much more that he couldn't help but get excited over the next time they'd be together._

_Looking down at his phone, he noticed Dean hadn't text back. He sighed and stood up, but saw his mother talking to a woman and pointing over at him. Groaning, knowing exactly where this was going, he went to find his sister. He was going to be sticking around too much longer._

_"Mary, I'm gonna go."_

_"What? Why?" She frowned._

_"Mom and dad are pissing me off and I'm really not in the mood. I'm sorry. I love you and have a safe flight to Rome."_

_Marie hugged her other brother, kissing him on the cheek. "I love you, too. And don't let mom get to you."_

_"I'm trying." He shook his head. "Give my goodbyes to Greg."_

_"I will. See you next week."_

_"Bye, sis."_

_He wasn't going to disrespect his parents by not saying goodbye, although he wished he didn't care so much._

_"Mom, dad, I have to go."_

_His mom turned to him. "No, sweetie. I was just going to introduce you to Heather."_

_He looked at the woman and smiled apologetically before looking back at his mom. "Something came up and I have to go."_

_"Seth, would you stop being so rude?"_

_"Mom, would you stop trying to run my life? I'm 27 years old, I can make my own decisions."_

_"You obviously can't if you don't have a woman by your side yet."_

_"I don't want a woman, mom."_

_"Why not?"_

_"Because I'm gay!" He yelled._

_Everything seemed to stop at that moment as everyone looked back at them. He saw Heather blushing a deep red from the corner of his eye and his parents standing completely still, shocked expressions written on their faces. "Fuck." He groaned before walked away and leaving the reception hall._

_Speeding__ to Dean's house, he took off as much of his suit as he could with hot tears burning in his eyes. He needed to be held. He just needed Dean._

_Pulling up to the drive-way, he locked everything in his car before walking up to his apartment and walking straight in. Once he saw the purse on the counter, he knew something was going to piss him off even more. He should have left, but the noises coming from the bedroom seemed to pull him deeper into the house. On the coffee table, Chinese cartons were left half full, bottles of beer surrounding it._

_"Oh, fuck, Dean..." A woman moaned._

_Closing his eyes as a tear fell out of his eye, he opened the bedroom door to see Dean on top of a woman, her legs wrapped around his waist as her nails dug into his back._

_"Seth!" Dean yelled, moving away from her. "W-what..."_

_Shaking his head, Seth practically ran from the apartment and back to his car, not knowing that Dean was closely behind. "Seth, wait."_

_"No, fuck you, Dean. Fuck you. I can't believe..." Seth stopped talking because he didn't want Dean to hear his voice crack as a sob built in his throat. _

_He turned to unlock the car, but Dean, shirtless with just a pair of shorts on, stopped him. "Let me explain."_

_"How about you explain why the hell you keep breaking my heart, Dean? Why don't you explain why you led me on this past week and made me believe it meant something?!"_

_"It did mean something, Seth! It mean more than you know." Dean grabbed Seth's hand, but he pulled away._

_"If it meant something, you wouldn't be fucking that woman."_

_"I'm sorry..."_

_Dean moved away from Seth and looked at Leana. "You're leaving?"_

_"I... I didn't know you were..." She looked back between Seth and Dean, confusion written all over her face._

_"No, we... Fuck." Dean rubbed his hands against his face._

_"Go ahead and tell her, Dean. We're not together. We never were." Seth unlocked his door, got inside, and drove away before the tears began._


	11. Too Many Chances

_**"Too Many Chances."**_

_**(Blah chapter; sorry for the typos, I didn't feel like proof-reading xD)**_

_"Well, you two are quiet."_

_Seth didn't want to be here. He didn't want to look at Dean's face. He couldn't look at Dean's face because each time he did he saw him fucking her... whoever the hell she was. He still didn't even know._

_Dean, Seth, and Roman decided to go out for drinks and catch up since they haven't hung out together in a while. Roman was busy was his new wife and Dean and Seth were busy doing their thing. Except now there wasn't a "thing" anymore._

_"Nothing much to say." Dean mumbled, taking a drink out of his beer._

_"You got that right." Seth shot back, grabbed the bartenders' attention._

_Roman shook his head and tendered to his own beer. "Did you two have a fight or something?"_

_"Nope." Dean quickly answered. "Seth is just being his usual self, holding grudges for no reason."_

_Seth finally looked at him. "Are you fucking serious? As if I don't have a reason too!"_

_"It's been 3 days. Get over it."_

_"Go fuck yourself."_

_"Guys, guys, chill out." Roman said. "Damn, I'm all left out of the loop. I don't even know what the hell you two are talking about."_

_"Trust me, Rome. You don't want to know." Dean said before getting up and walking into the dancing crowd._

_Roman turned to Seth. "What's going on, man?"_

_"Nothing." Seth shook his head and grabbed his beer from the bartender. "Dean's just being an asshole."_

_"Dean's always an asshole. I want to know what he's being an asshole about."_

_"Let it go, Roman."_

_"Right. Fine, have your little drama. I'm going home to be with my wife. She seems to be the only person now a days who doesn't leave me out of shit."_

_Seth groaned, holding Roman's arm before he could walk away. "Look, it's just a long complicated story. It happened while you were away and I just don't want to get into it right now. I wanted tonight to be a calm night but Dean," He shook his head. "You know he's always has to start and finish something."_

_"Well, what does it deal with?"_

_"Let's just say Dean knows how to break some hearts."_

_"That's not saying much."_

_Before Roman could answer, Dean came back, his arms around a woman. "I'm gonna get out of here, guys."_

_"You're leaving already?" Roman asked, looking at the woman and back at Dean. "We just got here."_

_"Yeah, well, someone ruined my mood so I don't really feel like standing."_

_Seth slammed his beer down on the counter and stood up. "How the hell did I ruin your mood?"_

_"Sit the fuck down, Seth. As if you're going to do anything about it."_

_"I'm getting real sick and tired of you, Dean. You think you can just do and say whatever you want with no consequences, huh?"_

_Dean moved his arm from the woman and got in Seth's face. "I do whatever the fuck I want. If you don't like that then maybe we shouldn't be friends."_

_"Our friendshipship went out the door when you fucked me and ran like a bitch." He whispered low enough for Dean to hear._

_Dean didn't say anything as he watched the emotions play over Seth's face, his own heart shattering at the words that were thrown at him. He wanted so bad to reach over and rub his cheek, kiss his lips, and hug him until he felt better. Shaking his head, he walked away from Seth before he lost all self control. He needed a cigeratte bad... more than that, he needed figure out what he was going to do about Seth. Last week had been great and now he just doesn't know what he wants. He hates this back and forth shit. He'd always been able to make decisions quickly but this has been going on for far too long._

_Seth decided to go home early, not being able to enjoy himself after his confrontation with Dean. Roman got all mad and pissy but he just didn't have the energy to care and sure as hell couldn't explain to him what was happening between him and Dean._

_When he pulled up to his driveway, he noticed Dean's car parked across the street. Shaking his head, he went in his house and stood on the porch, calling Dean's phone._

_"What are you doing, Dean?"_

_"We need to talk."_

_"Talk about what? You made it perfectly clear what you want nothing to do with me. I'm not setting myself up for hurt again, I'm just not."_

_"Can I come inside?"_

_"Why should I let you?"_

_"Please, Seth."_

_Rubbing his eyes, he walked back into the house. "The door is open." He said before hanging up, throwing his phone on the coffee table. Sitting on the couch, he turned the TV on, watching the images move on the screen but not paying attention to what was actually happening._

_Dean walked inside without knocking, standing at the front door and looking over at Seth. He didn't know what he wanted to say, but he knew that he had to say something. Losing Seth wasn't something he wanted to do, but he seemed to keep making the same stupid mistakes over and over and expecting Seth to just take it._

_"Are you going to stand there all night or what?"_

_Dean sighed and walked into the living room, sitting on the other couch. "Seth, I'm sorry."_

_"How many times have I heard that line?"_

_"I really am sorry, Seth!"_

_"What is your problem, Dean? I've given you chance after chance and you continue to take my weakness for you for granted. I can only handle so much before I give up."_

_Dean sat on the couch next to Seth and grabbed his hand. "Look, I know I'm screwed up, okay? I can't keep a relationship to save my life. You, Roman, and Leana are about the only people I can consider friends. I just," He closed his eyes. "I know I keep hurting you but we don't want this in the same way."_

_Seth pulled away from him. "What do you expect me to do, Dean? Damn it, I want to be with you but all you want is sex."_

_"That's all I can handle!"_

_"You could handle for if you opened yourself up to it. You're acting like a scared little boy and I need you to be a man."_

_Dean grabbed Seth's face and looked into his eyes. "I want to be with you..."_

_"With limitations."_

_"Can't this be enough?"_

_"I long for more."_

_"I long for you." Dean leaned over and kissed Seth's lips, hoping he wouldn't pull away._

_Seth couldn't deny him even if he wanted to. He knew that Dean knew that as his tongue slipped into Seth's mouth, hands traveling down his chest and under his shirt. Dean took off Seth's shirt, laying him down on the couch, linking their fingers together, and pinning them over his Seth. His lips traveled down Seth's neck as he pressed their bodies together, heat rising between them. Seth closed his eyes and moaned, his mind screaming at him to stop this before he got hurt again, but his body reacting in a different way as he felt himself hardened in his jeans. Dean felt Seth's excitment and leaned his hand down between legs and rubbing him over his jeans. Seth moaned, tighting his fingers around Dean's, grinding his hips against his hand._

_"Seth, you left your I.D at..."_

_Dean quickly got off Seth, standing up and walking towards the patio, running a hand through his hair._

_"What the hell was that?" Roman asked, looking at Seth and Dean, his face painted in confusion._

_Seth quickly put his shirt back on. "Rome, I..."_

_Roman put his finger up, shaking his head. "Nah... I don't even want to know." He put Seth's I.D the couch before quickly walking out the house, not bothering to close the door._

_"Fuck!" Dean yelled, punching the wall. "Got fucking damnit!"_

_"Dean, calm down."_

_Shaking his head, Dean grabbed his car keys again and walked out the house, slamming the door. Seth had lost all hope as he stood in the patio watching Dean yell at himself on his way to the car. This was it. He was ending this tonight._


	12. Thoughts

_**"Thoughts."**_

_Seth was physically tired. He had a long day at work and it was now 2:30 am and he couldn't fall asleep. All these thoughts whirled around in his head like a never ending list of shit that was bothering him, keeping him wide awake. On the top of the list, Dean's face was haunting him. The thought of him and Leana together, the thought of him telling at him at the club, and the thought of him walking away from Seth's house that same night. He closed his eyes. It's been 2 weeks since that day and each day it just gets worse and worse. Roman wouldn't answer his calls, he didn't even know where Dean was, and he was slowly but surely losing his mind._

_His parents refuse to accept the fact that he'd told them he was gay. They think he said it just to leave the reception and despite Seth's insistence they still try to hook him up with random woman. His sister was the only person who he could talk to this about, but then again, he didn't even want to talk about it. Every time Dean's name rolls out of his tongue, tears stink his eyes and his heart breaks all over again. He just wish he could rewind time and change everything. Maybe he would've never kissed him the day of Roman's bachelor party. Maybe he wouldn't have given him chance after chance to break his heart. _

_Sighing, Seth turned on his stomach and hugged his pillow. He just wanted everything to be right again._

_Dean sat on his patio, looking out into the view at nothing in particular. He missed Seth. He missed kissing him, touching him... but even more than that, he missed talking to him. Placing a cigarette in between his lips, he searched for a lighter as every memory of the night they were caught surfaced in his mind. Two months ago, everything in his life was right where it supposed to be. He had the girls he wants, his home, his car, his job. His life was great. Then Seth had to go and kiss him and completely change every fucking thing. Dean cussed him, lighting his cigarette and taking a long drag. "Damnit, Seth. Why'd you have to do this to me?" He sighed, pressing his palm against his forehead._

_Roman refused to acknowledge the fact that he saw Dean and Seth that night and he wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing. He wasn't the type of guy that goes telling the world other people's business, but that fact that he stopped talking to Dean kind of annoyed him. Dean knew Roman wasn't the type to discriminate, but... "I don't fucking know." Dean said to himself again, flicking the half smoked cigarette over the railing and standing up to go back into the house. He was tired of feeling sorry for himself and he was tired of not being with Seth. He was just tired of living his life knowing that it was a total fucking lie._

_Grabbing his keys, he left the house with the intention of fixing this today, and not leaving until he did._

_**"What are**__ you doing here?" Seth asked as calmly as he could when all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around Dean and kiss him until they couldn't breathe._

_"We need to talk."_

_"Now? Where the fuck have you been the past 2 weeks when we needed to talk?"_

_"Seth, please." Dean closed his eyes, rubbing his temple. He hadn't gotten much sleep since that night, getting drunk and smoking cigarettes to fill the void that only Seth could. "Please, I don't want to fight with you."_

_Seth walked away because he knew if he didn't, he wouldn't be able to control the overpowering feelings that were burning in his soul. "Dean, I don't know how many times I have to tell you that I'm tired of this shit."_

_"Roman fucking walked in on us." Dean said, stepping in the house and closed the door. "What'd you expect me to do, fuck you in front of him?"_

_"I expected you to stay. I expected you to fight after that talk, but you continue to prove to me that you're not mature enough to handle this." He sat down on the couch, not looking at Dean._

_"It's not about being mature, Seth. I'm 27 got damn years old, I'm as mature as they get. It's about being fucking scared. You can go ahead and jump off a plane without hesitation, but I need to make sure my parachute is secure before I nose dive into the air."_

_"It's been two months." Seth said, softly. "Two months and you still haven't given me any indication that you want to do this. Why should I keep fighting when I'm the only one in the match?"_

_Dean rubbed his hands over his face, sighing deeply into his palms. He didn't think it'd be this difficult, but he knew Seth has had enough. He knew he'd broken Seth's heart countless times and at some point it wasn't going to be so easy to fix. He walked over to the couch, sitting next to Seth. "Because I'm falling in love with you."_

_Seth barely heard Dean's whisper, his heart beating loudly. His eyes stung with tears as he turned and looked at Dean. "What'd you say?"_

_"Seth..."_

_"Say it again."_

_Dean looked at Seth and sighed. "I'm falling in love with you. Or maybe I was already in love and didn't know how to deal with it, but either way, I knew I feel something for you that I've never felt before with any woman. You do things to me..." He closed his eyes before grabbing Seth's hands and bringing them up to his lips. "You do things to me that make my body react in the weirdest ways. When I look in your eyes, my heart shatters. God, Seth, you mean so much to me and I don't want to hurt you."_

_Seth couldn't stop the tears from rolling out of his eyes. "Then don't hurt me. Don't do shit to hurt me, Dean. Your words are so intoxicating, but your actions depict the opposite. I need to you be sure about this because I don't think I can handle getting my heart stomped on by you again." He rubbed Dean's cheek as he leaned forehead to press his forehead against Dean's. "I'm in love with you, Dean. I have been for so long and all I want, all I need, is to be with you."_

_Dean's phone rang before he could answer. He wanted to let it go to voice mail but the familiar ringtone caught his attention. Sighing, he let go of Seth's hand to reach in his pocket for the phone. Seeing it was Leana, he turned away from Seth to answer it. "Hello?"_

_"Dean, where are you?" Leana yelled before Dean can finish his greeting._

_"I'm taking care of some business. What's going on? Why are you yelling?"_

_"Come to your house. I'm here."_

_He shook his head. "Leana, I'm busy. What do you need?"_

_"Dean, just come please." She groaned. "We need to talk about something."_

_"Can't it wait?" He practically yelled back._

_"No! Dean, I think I'm fucking pregnant."_

_He froze, the phone almost falling from his hand. "What?"_

_"Come to your house." She mumbled before hanging up._

_Dean closed his eyes, mouthing words of disbelief. 'One fucking thing after another.' He thought to himself. 'Why can't I catch a fucking break?!'_

_"Is everything okay?" Seth asked, putting his hand on Dean's shoulder._

_Dean got up from the couch and shook his head. "I have to go."_

_"But, Dean..."_

_"I know." He interrupted, moving towards the door. "I know we have to finish this conversation, but... I just need to go, Seth. I'm sorry."_

_"Is there anything I could do?"_

_"No. I'll call you later." He sighed before walking back over to him and pressing his mouth against Seth's lips. Groaning, he shut his eyes not wanting to let go as his body already started reacting, but knowing he couldn't stay. Putting his hands on Seth's cheeks, he pulled away, breathing heavily. "I'll call you." He repeated before turning and leaving the house._


	13. This Can't Be Fucking Life

_**"This Can't Be Fucking Life."**_

_Dean was pissed. He couldn't even be mad at Leana, he had to be mad at himself. The past few days, he'd been beating himself up for being so damn stupid. As much as he wanted to fuck Leana, the only woman who could take his mind off Seth, he should have been more careful in doing so. He was practically the cover for any condom box, yet that night he threw caution to the wind and now this. He looked around the doctors' office, spotting two very pregnant women and a few kids running around. Groaning, he rubbed his hands against his face. "Fuck."_

_Leana looked over at Dean and sighed. Setting the magazine down, she reached over and rubbed his neck. "It's going to be fine, Dean."_

_"No, it's not." He turned his head, leaning his cheek against his palm. "Leana, what the hell are we going to do if you're pregnant?"_

_"Raise a baby, what else? I'm not having an abortion."_

_He groaned again. "As if I would let you have an abortion, Leana." He stood up, running a hand threw his hair. He felt his phone buzzing in his phone and quickly fished it out, reading the texts._

_**Seth: Hey, is everything okay?**_

_**Seth: I wish you would talk to me about it.**_

_**Seth: Just know that I'm here...**_

_He closed his eyes, shaking his head and putting his phone back in his pocket. He hadn't been completely avoiding Seth, but he'd been avoiding this subject._

_"What is it?"_

_"Nothing." He lied._

_"Dean, tell me. You're not going to give me that nothing bullshit and keep everything huddled up inside until you explode. Trust me, I've had to watch you go through that again and, given the current situation, I don't want to see it right now."_

_Dean exhaled a gust of air, sitting back down. "Seth and I have... been... seeing each other for quite some time now."_

_Leana shifted in her chair. "Seeing each other, as in dating?"_

_He closed his eyes. "You could say that."_

_"Dean, if you like, don't be ashamed of it."_

_"How could I not be?" He snarled, drowing his fingers in his hair and tugging it. He needed to feel something other than confusion and anger. He needed to feel pain. "I never thought I'd be feeling... this."_

_Leana pulled Dean's fingers from his hair. "Stop doing that before you go bald. Dean, if you like him, you like him. Yeah, it's a little weird for you to be liking guys, but I could get used to it. Plus, Seth is cute..."_

_Dean glared at her before she could finish her statement. "Don't think like a hoe when it comes to Seth."_

_Leana flipped him off. "I'm not a hoe, thank you. Let's not forget that you're the only guy I've slept with in 2 years. How many people have you slept with?"_

_He shook his head. "The list is never again." He sat back in his chair, leaning his head against the wall. "I'm fucking screwed up."_

_"Do you want to be with Seth?"_

_"Yes."_

_"So be with him." Leana shook her head. "You overthink everything and stress yourself out. If you let go once in a while maybe you'd stop worrying long enough to be happy."_

_Dean looked at Leana, but couldn't say anything. Right now, he was so torn. 3 years ago, before Leana disappeared into thin air, he wanted to be with her. He was ready to ask her to move in and be with him when she vanished. Feeling heartbroken, he completely forgot about her and started his phase again, sleeping with any woman he coud pick up, heavily smoking and drinking. He calm down after a while, but he was pretty depressed and unhappy with himself and his life. Then Seth came along and declared his feelings for him. He shook his head. He couldn't tell Leana that the circle of his unhappiness pointed back to her._

_"Miss. Ramirez?" The nurse called, opening the door to the back of the office wider._

_"Are you coming with me?" Leana asked, standing and looking down at Dean._

_"Yeah, sure." He stood up and automatically grabbed Leana's hand. He didn't know why he felt the need to do it, he just needed the comfort and knew she did, too. They walked to the back and followed the nurse into a room, sat and waited some more._

_Seth sat in his car and stared at his phone for a few minutes, waiting for Dean to text back. When he didn't, he sighed, got out the car, and headed into the cafe. He was heading home from work and needed some caffine to hold him until he reached his house._

_He stopped in his tracks when he saw Roman and his wife sitting on a booth near the back of the cafe. He still hadn't talked to his best friend and felt the need to explain everything now that him and Dean were caught._

_He walked up to the booth, hoping he wasn't interuppting an important conversation. "Hey, guys."_

_"Seth, hi!" Rhonda said, getting up to hug Seth. "How are you? I feel like we haven't talked in forever."_

_He smiled. "I'm doing fine. How are you?"_

_"Oh, just great. Roman and I are just getting something to eat. Do you want to join us?"_

_"No, he wouldn't." Roman said, staring up at Seth. "He's got other things to do, don't you, Seth?"_

_"Roman, come on, man. We're best friend friends."_

_"Best friends don't lie to each others faces."_

_"Okay, slow down, boys. You two obviously have some guy drama going on so I'm just going to go ahead and let you two talk."_

_"Rhonda,"_

_"No, you two talk. Roman, play nice." She leaned over and kissed her husbands' lips. "I'll come back in a bit." She quickly walked away, happy to be away from that tension._

_Seth sighed, sitting across from Roman. "Look, bro, I was going to tell you."_

_"Tell me what? That you and Dean have some secret love affair going on? What the hell happened while I was gone?"_

_Seth pushed his hair back, setting his elbows on the table. "I've always had a thing for Dean. The night of your party..." He shrugged. "I did something about it."_

_Roman shook his head. "So, you two are like a thing now? I don't even care about that, bro, I'm mad that you lied to my face. Since when do we lie to each other?"_

_"I know, Rome, and I'm sorry. It's just that I was in a low place then. I couldn't even begin to explain what was happened and I surely didn't want to do it at the club while Dean was acting an ass." When Roman didn't speak, Seth began to explain the whole situation. He told him about the first kiss and all the confusion and drama that went after. He knew Roman felt uncomfortable, but he wanted the truth so Seth was going to give it to him. _

_Roman wasn't the type of guy to discriminate, but it was going to be awkward around his two gay best friends who were now together. "Dean's seriously screwed up for messing with your heart like that, but you had to know it was coming. You've known Dean longer than I have, you know how he works."_

_"I foolishly thought he'd be different. I don't know, Roman."_

_"Look, as pissed as I am that I had to find out like __**that**__, you two are my best friends and I want to see both of you happy. If this is what you want, fight for it, but it's not right getting hurt every time Dean does some stupid shit. And let's face it, he's always doing stupid shit. So unless you're completely sure that he's ready to commit to something like this, don't put your heart on the line. I've seen you broken and it's not a sight I care to see again."_

_Seth was glad that Roman was giving him advice and not yelling at him. "Thanks, bro, I'll keep that in mind. So, we're cool, right?"_

_"Yeah, we're cool. Just don't lie again. You know I hate that."_

_"I know. I won't."_

_They talked for a few more minutes until Rhonda came back. Seth said his goodbyes, bought his coffee, and headed home._

_Dean walked into Seth's house a couple hours later, carrying a bag of chinese food. He owed Seth a night in since being so distracted with Leana._

_"Hey, handsome." Seth said, looking up at as Dean walked through the door. He tried to hide his excitement of seeing Dean. "You need some help?"_

_"I've got it." Dean said, setting the bag on the kitchen counter before leaning against it. Shaking his head, he took out the cartons of food and brought them over to Seth. He leaned down and kissed his lips. "I missed you."_

_"I missed you, too." Seth whispered, rubbing his cheeks and staring into Dean's eyes. "You look stressed."_

_"I am." Dean admitted, moving away to sit next to Seth. He sighed. "These last few days have taken a toll on me."_

_"What's the matter? I wish you would talk to me about it."_

_"I'm just not sure how you'll take it."_

_"Dean, we've been through hell and back these past two months. I'm sure I can handle whatever you throw at me."_

_Dean shook his head, opening his carton of food and began to eat. "How was your day?"_

_"Dean, don't do that. Tell me what the hell is going on!"_

_"Leana's pregnant, okay? She's fucking 2 weeks pregnant and it's mine. So there."_

_Seth closed his eyes, shaking his head. "No. I don't believe you." He stood up and walked into the kitchen, leaning against the counter. "Don't fucking believe you, Dean!"_

_"She hasn't been with anyone in 2 years, Seth." Dean rubbed his hands over his face before getting up and walking up behind Seth. "Baby, I'm sorry. But this is happening and she's having the baby. Can you look at me?" Dean put his hand on Seth's back, but he pushed it away._

_"You're fucking __**stupid**__, Dean! After all the shit we've been going through and now this. We were finally at a good place!"_

_"Don't you think I know that? I'm kicking myself for getting Leana pregnant, but it's not something I can take back."_

_Seth walked away from him again, tears burning his eyes. "I could fucking punch you right now."_

_"Just calm down."_

_"Calm down? You want me to... Get out, Dean."_

_"Seth, you're being fucking ridiculous right now."_

_"Don't you think I have a right to be upset? I have spent hours crying, weeks fighting, months waiting for you and I finally got you to myself and this bitch comes out of no fucking where and sweeps you away."_

_"She's not a bitch and I'm not with her." Dean growled._

_"You might as well be. She's carrying your kid."_

_"I made a mistake, damnit! Don't hold it against me."_

_"It's not the only mistake you've made, Dean. If you didn't break my heart 4 times, if you didn't push me away for almost 2 months we wouldn't be having this conversation because you wouldn't have felt the need to fuck her."_

_Dean snatched his keys off the counter and walked towards the front door. "You come talk to me when you calm the fuck down." He slammed the door on his way out of Seth's house, wishing that just once his world wasn't so screwed up._


	14. Never Missed You More

_**"Never Missed You More."**_

_**(Real quickly, I just want to thank everyone for the reviews. They're really amazing & I love each and every single one you. I'm glad you all are enjoying my story as much as I enjoy writing it :) This chapter is pretty much another fill in, but it has a few things in there that you have to remember for a future chapter. Thanks again & enjoy!)**_

_"It's been 3 days, Seth." Dean stood on his patio, doing what seemed like his morning routine. Blowing a gust of cigarette smoke out of his mouth, he leaned against the railing and sighed. "You should have called by now." Dean whispered to himself. He missed Seth's voice. He missed everything about him and he knew it was his fault. Why couldn't he just be happy? Why, for once in his miserable existence couldn't get just be fucking happy? He needed something to happen in order to keep going, otherwise he'd shut down like he did before and do shit that he'll regret later. He scoffed. As if he hadn't make enough mistake in the past 2 months alone._

_Shaking his head, he flicked the cigarette over the railing and headed into the kitchen. Trying to take his mind off things, he started to make breakfast. As he was cooking the eggs, he heard the bedroom door open._

_"Good morning, Chef."_

_Dean laughed, turning away from the stove to look at Leana. "Good morning, troll."_

_She glared at him before flipping him off. "Fuck you. Don't talk about my hair."_

_"The least you can do is smooth it down. Please, you're scaring me."_

_She laughed. "Shut the hell up, Poppy."_

_He frowned, turning back to the stove to turn over the omelet. "I told you not to call me that."_

_"Why not? What's wrong with it?"_

_"I just don't like the nickname, Leana."_

_"You didn't have a problem with it before."_

_He threw the spatula down and faced her. "Yeah, before you fucking left without a damn word as to where you were going! Didn't you think about me... about your family before you disappeared, Leana? We were worried sick."_

_"I'm sorry. I had to do what was right for me."_

_Shaking his head, he turned off the stove and pushed the skillet off the burner. Leaning his hands against the counter, he closed his eyes. "You've been here 3 weeks now and still haven't offered up an explanation."_

_"I don't feel like I owe you anything, Dean."_

_"Of course you don't." He looked at her again. "Of course because you're still the same self-centered, spoiled little bitch that you've always been."_

_"Don't talk to me like that! You don't know what the hell I've been through."_

_"Oh, and I haven't been through enough? But when I don't want to talk about something, you throw a damn hissy fit and want to get mad because you didn't get your way. Stop that shit, Leana. You're 26 years old. Grow the fuck up."_

_She laughed out of anger to keep herself from crying. "You obviously woke up in the wrong side of the bed this morning so I'm just going to leave you alone."_

_"I woke up on the wrong side because you were hogging my side."_

_"You weren't complaining last night."_

_"That's because I didn't want to hear you bitching and moaning."_

_"Please, you love when I bitch and moan."_

_He sighed, shaking his head and staring at her. "You really get on my nerves."_

_"No, I don't. You're just in a mood. What's going on?"_

_"I don't want to talk about it." He said, throwing her words back at her. "I'm hungry. Are we going to eat or are you going to keep bitching?"_

_"Just give me the damn food."_

_Dean finished cooking and fixed their plates before sitting on the stool next to her. For a few minutes, they ate in silence before Leana spoke._

_"I have another appointment next week." She said, setting her cup of juice down on the counter._

_"So quickly? You just had one."_

_"I have health issues so they want to keep a close look at me. It's nothing major."_

_"Are you sure?" He turned in his stool and reached over to move the hair from her face._

_She put her hand over his and looked at Dean. "I'm fine. It's something that happened a while ago." She looked away for a minute before staring in his eyes. "I'm alright. I promise."_

_"Okay." He nodded. "Let me know if you feel weird or anything. I don't want anything happening to you."_

_She smiled. "Are you going to be like this for the next 9 months?"_

_"If I need to be, I will."_

_Still smiling, she got off the bar stool and stood in between his legs, wrapping her arms around his waist. "You're going to be a good father, you know that?"_

_He looked down at her and, for some reason, had the overpowering feeling to kiss her. "And you're going to be an amazing mother." He whispered back. He couldn't kiss her... he couldn't confuse himself anymore than he already was. "We're going to be great parents."_

_"We have to protect her from the shit we went through. I don't want her suffering."_

_He smiled. "Who said we're having a girl? It's going to be a boy."_

_She rolled her eyes, smiling back. "No, it's going to be a girl and her name is going to be Maritza."_

_"Maritza? No, we're having a Jr and you're going to like it."_

_"I don't think the world can handle two Dean Ambroses'"_

_"Well, they're just going to have to deal with it."_

_She laughed, moving back to her seat. "We shall see what happens. Either way, I'm going to love our baby."_

_"Our baby," He whispered back, liking the sound of that. 'Fuck.' He thought to himself. 'I'm never going to catch a break.'_

_They continued to eat, talking about baby stuff. When they were finished, they threw the dishes in the dishwasher and sat on the couch. Dean laid down, putting his head on Leana's lap as she began to play with his hair._

_"What's going on between you and Seth?"_

_Dean closed his eyes. He hadn't told Leana about the fight. "I told him about the pregnancy."_

_"Oh... what did he have to say?"_

_"He got pissed off and started yelling."_

_Leana sighed, slipping her fingers in his hair. "I'm sorry, Dean. I really didn't mean to cause any drama."_

_"It was my fault. You didn't know about me and Seth when you came back and I should have kept my dick in my pants."_

_"How pissed off did he get?"_

_Dean turned his head away as tears built up in his eyes. "I think it's over." He managed through a whisper. "I told him when he calms down to call me and it's been three days."_

_"He can still call, Dean. Give him some time."_

_"Whatever, I don't care." He said, trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince Leana. He stood up and began walking to the bathroom. "I'm going to shower."_

_Seth was drenched in sweat and it wasn't even the afternoon yet. After waking up at 7 am, barely sleeping all night to begin with, he decided to head to the basketball court and get his mind off things. Of course, it didn't work. He kept imagining Leana and Dean with a baby, living happy while he's miserable in his own bubble. Throwing the ball from half court, he watched as it bounced off the rim and rolled away. He closing his eyes, moved the matted sweaty hair from his face, and sighed. He should probably get home before his one night stand from last night woke up. He groaned, thinking about the man he'd brought him. He was slowly turning into Dean, drowning himself in other people in order to forget about it. As good as it felt, he couldn't even enjoy himself. All the thought about was Dean... all he wanted was to be with Dean._

_Heading home, he hoped the man decided to leave for himself so he wasn't have to face him. He couldn't, or much less wanted, to deal with him, or anyone for that matter. He opened the door and went into his room, seeing that it was empty. "Thank God." He said to himself, as he began to strip out of his clothes. He needed to go meet his sister for lunch in an hour, so he quickly showered and got dressed before heading back out._

_"Hey, sis." Seth said, when he spotted her sitting on a booth. He kissed her cheek before sitting across from her._

_"Hey, bro. How are you?"_

_He shrugged. "I've been better. I'm not in the mood to talk about me, though. How are you? Tell me about your honeymoon."_

_Marie glowed as she told her little brother about her honeymoon in the Bahamas. Seth tried to pay attention, but all he could think about was Dean and the shit that'd been happening. So many times he wanted to call Dean and forgive him for what he did, but he just couldn't keep his pride down long enough to make the call._

_"We're thinking about having a baby."_

_Seth's head snapped back at that statement. "You're what?"_

_Marie blushed. "We've been trying for a while now. He really wants a little boy."_

_Seth threw his arms up, suddenly angry. "Great. You want a baby, Leana's fucking pregnant. Everyone seems to be completely happy but me. What the hell did I do to deserve all this pain? I've never done anything bad to a single soul yet I'm the one being stomped on and tossed around like a fucking rag doll." He rumbled._

_"Whoa, Seth. What's going on? Who is Leana?"_

_He pressed his palms against his eyes as he sighed. "I've just been going through shit, Marie. I'm so tired of this shit."_

_"Tell me." She whispered, grabbing her brother's hand._

_"Dean's having a kid." He mumbled, the words leaving a bad taste in his mouth._

_"Dean? But I thought you two..."_

_"Yeah, I thought so, too." He said, shaking his head. "I thought he actually changed and actually wanted to be with me, but he goes and gets some girl pregnant." He shrugged. "I don't know. I don't fucking know anymore, Marie. I'm on the verge of leaving this God forsaken state so I don't have to see them together."_

_"You're thinking about moving? Seth, seriously, you can't leave."_

_"What's left here besides you, Marie? Mom and dad don't even look at me the same, I don't think Roman can accept the fact that Dean and I are gay. Dean is a fucking retarded asshole who keeps breaking my heart. And in 9 months, there's going to be a mini him running around here. I can't take this."_

_Marie sighed and moved to the other side of the table, sitting next to her brother and hugging him. "I love you for you, Seth. You're my brother and that's not going to change. Mom and dad, they're old, but they're going to learn to accept you sooner and later. And Dean is just another guy. There's a lot more other there that would be happy to be with you."_

_Tears stung in Seth's eyes. "I don't want anyone else. I want Dean. I'm in love with the idiot."_

_Marie tried to comfort her brother, but nothing could fix what Seth was going through. After a while, Seth and Marie said their goodbyes and Seth headed home, driving as tears clouded his vision. He told himself that this was the last time he was going to cry for Dean Ambrose. He couldn't allow the man to have this much affect on him while he's moving on with his life._

_Getting home, Seth closed and locked his door, laid on the living room floor and cried his heart out for the love of his dreams that died before it was able to start._


	15. Tragic

_**"Tragic."**_

_Dean stared at the ceiling, trying to get his thoughts together. On one end, there was Seth, who hadn't talked to him in 5 days now, and it was killing him. On the other end, there was Leana. Why had she come back and why did it have to happen now? Dean, as much as he tried to deny it to himself, never got over Leana. She was the first woman he'd ever love and no matter what, he didn't think he was going to get over that._

_He looked over at Leana, who was laying face down on the bed, her long brown hair matted on her face, covers draped over her ass showing her bare back and one leg that she propped out. Sighing, he reached over and wiped the hair from her face, leaning his head closer to breathe in her scent and closed his eyes. "Why, Leana?" He whispered to himself. "Why'd you leave... why'd you come back?" Sliding his hand down her back, thoughts of last night filled his mind. They'd made love again. Even during this confusion, Dean couldn't deny the sexual tension he felt whenever he was around Leana. He was a weak man; he'd long since admitted that. He always tried to act so tough, but inside he was just a scared little boy who was unsure of himself._

_Leana shifted, bringing her hand up to rub her face. Fluttering her eyes open, she looked up at Dean and offered a sleepy smile. "Hey, handsome."_

_Dean stared at her, rubbing her back softly. "Hey, beautiful. Did you sleep good?"_

_"I slept amazing. Thanks to you."_

_He smiled. "Come shower with me."_

_She lifted her head, propping it on her hand. "What do I get if I do?"_

_"Me."_

_"Mm... tempting offer."_

_"The best offer there is." He patted her ass before jumping over her and walking to the door. He turned and looked at her, his hand on his hardening length. "Don't leave me hanging, babe."_

_Leana bit her lip. "How could I when you're basically seducing me?" She stood up, letting the covers fall to the ground._

_"I'm not seducing you." He laughed, walking into the bathroom. They quickly brushed their teeth before Leana went to the shower and started the water._

_Dean came up behind her, grabbing her around the waist, and kissed her shoulder. Leana leaned back against him, closing her eyes as a shiver ran down her spine. She loved his touch; it never failed to turn her on. Sliding his hand down her stomach, he rubbed her flesh, spreading the lips of her vagina with his thump and pinky as his middle finger caressed her sensitive bud. She bit her lip and moaned, her knees growing weak as he teased her, his tongue gliding across her neck, making her eyes roll to the back of her head. "Oh, God, Dean..." She moaned, reaching back to grab him, balancing herself. He grazed his teeth along her skin as his fingers dipped down and slid two fingers inside of her, spreading her legs wider with his foot. She crumbled under his touch to her sore womanhood, grabbing his maneuvering arm as her hips automatically responded moving against his thrusts. He groaned deeply, sliding his fingers in and out of her faster, his erection pressing against her back. Feeling her body shaking, he slid his fingers out of her before she could cum, teasing her to hell and back. She cussed him, turning around as she grabbed his hand and slowly licked her juices off his fingers, staring into his eyes. If he could get any harder, he would, his body covered in goosebumps as he watched her devour his fingers, sliding both deep into her mouth and sucking them. "Stop." He groaned, pulling his hand away from her before grabbing the back of her neck and pressing his lips against hers. Lifting her up effortlessly, he put her into the tub and joined her, sliding their bodies down into the warm water, shutting off the faucet with his foot, his lips never leaving hers. He grabbed her hips tightly as he slid her down onto him, leaning his head against the shower wall and biting his lip when his length was finally inside of her. Leana grabbed his shoulders and began to grind against him, moaning as he thrust upward as well, digging deeper inside of her. Pain and pleasure swirled inside her body, her sore womanhood still aching and throbbing from Dean's loving last night. Leana ran her fingers to his hair, grinding faster, moaning his name as he pulled a nipple into his mouth and sucked softly. Shocks ran to Leana's body as she climaxed, nearly screaming from the pleasure as she tugged his hair, shaking against him. Dean didn't let up, though, grabbing her hips even harder and thrusting faster as the water spilled out the side of the tub. He groaned against her breasts, biting her flesh as she came again, merely seconds after her first combustion. Dean slowed down after that one, leaning back on the wall and breathing heavily. _

_Leana dipped her head and kissed his lips, pressing her forehead against his. "You're not one for mercy, huh?"_

_"Not when it comes to you." He whispered._

_"Good." She nibbled on his bottom lip. "I love it when you're rough with me."_

_He groaned. "You're trying to kill me."_

_"Quite the opposite."_

_He looked into her lips, reaching one hand up to stroke her cheek. "I want you to be mine, Leana..."_

_She grew confused. "What?"_

_"Be my girlfriend. Stay with me. I want you. I __**need**__ you."_

_"W...what about Seth?"_

_He closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the shower wall. "Don't mention him again, Leana. I'm moving on from him and I want to move on with you."_

_Sliding her hand through his hair, she nodded. "Okay... we can try. I'm yours, Dean Ambrose."_

_**Seth adjusted **__the weights on the bar before laying back down on the bench and beginning to lift. It's been a few weeks since he's come to the gym and he was kind of annoyed at himself for letting Dean change him so much. Nearly 3 months ago, when all he was doing was fantasizing about Dean, he had a morning routine. He would get up, go to the gym, go to work, go home, job, and come back home to do it all over again the next day._

_After a couple minutes lifting weights, he sat up and wiped his face with a towel, looking out to few people at the gym. He noticed one guy checking him out, but made no effort to show him he was remotely interested. Seth couldn't get into another relationship right now if he wanted to. The last one drained everything he had._

_He grabbed his phone as it buzzed in his gym bag, reading the text on the screen. __**"Come to the hospital." **__It said. He quickly packed his bag and headed home to shower._

_The small waiting room at the hospital was empty, except for a woman with a small child and Rhonda, who was sitting at the far end of the room, hands in her face. Seth walked over to her and sat next to her, putting his hand on her back. "How is he?"_

_Rhonda sniffed and wiped at her eyes, sitting back in her chair. "He's in surgery. Oh, God, Seth, what am I going to do if he..."_

_"He won't." Seth shook his head, interrupting him. "You can't think like that Rhonda." He hugged his best friends' wife, comforting her. "He's going to be alright."_

_After Rhonda calmed down a bit, she told him about Roman's car accident that happened a few hours prior. He was driving home from work, and the police said he most likely fell asleep at the wheel and drifted into the lane next to him where a pick up truck was passing. The truck hit the passengers' side of Roman's car at about 70 miles, flipping it over a few times before it came to a halt on the grass. Roman's left side was effected greatly, suffering 3 broken bones and a few cracked ribs. He was now in surgery to remove debris that was lodged in his side._

_"I'm sorry if I bothered you. I didn't know who else to call."_

_"Roman's my best friend. There's nothing I'd rather be doing than waiting for him to come out of surgery."_

_Rhonda grabbed his hand. "You're a great friend. What was all that drama about the other day?"_

_Seth sighed, closing his eyes and shaking his head. "It's a long story." He said. "Basically, Dean and I were dating and..."_

_"Wait, what? You and Dean... dating?"_

_"Yeah, I know." He nodded. "It just all happened so quick, you know? One minute we're having beers and the next I'm kissing him. I didn't expect him to feel the same way back, but I had to try because if I didn't..." He trailed off realizing he was rambling and that Rhonda was probably more confused that before. "It was just a stupid, confusing situation. Now he's having a baby with some woman I've never even heard of and he's moving on with his life while I'm stuck here."_

_"That woman?" Rhonda asked, tilting her head towards the entrance._

_Dean and Leana stood at the front desk, asking for information about Roman. He couldn't help but notice their fingers intertwined with each other, Leana standing protectively close to him as she turned and saw Seth and Rhonda. When she pointed at them, Seth looked away to avoid seeing Dean._

_"You called him, too?"_

_"I was desperate and had I known about you two, I wouldn't have."_

_Seth nodded. He wasn't angry at her, he just really didn't want to see Dean, especially with __**her**__._

_"Morning." Dean said when they reached Seth and Rhonda. He reluctantly let go of Leana's hand as he sat across from Seth, staring at him and noticing that he wasn't looking back. "Seth."_

_Seth shook his head and took out his phone, flipping through the screens mindlessly. He was acting immature, he knew it, but he couldn't look at Dean without wanting to cry and he promised himself he wouldn't cry, not again._

_They sat in silence for almost half an hour. Leana would whisper a few things to Dean and he'd whisper back, but nothing much more was said. It was uncomfortable, but neither person wanted to make the first move in attempt to break the ice._

_Rhonda decided to get up a while later, saying she was going to check on the status of Roman's surgery Seth wanted to get up, too, but he couldn't move. A minute after Rhonda was gone, Leana announced she was going to the bathroom and quickly walked away, too._

_Dean sighed, looking over at Seth again. "Are you going to talk to me?"_

_Seth rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything. He already felt the sob building up in his throat, the thoughts of of nights he spent crying in the darkness wanting to spill out of every pore of his body._

_"Seth, please."_

_He got up and walked away from Dean, not stopping until he got outside and was able to take a deep breath of fresh air. He run a hand through his hair, trying to compose himself, but it didn't last long when Dean walked up behind him._

_"Seth, wait."_

_"No!" Seth yelled, finally looking at him. "I'm not waiting anymore, Dean. Not for you."_

_"Can you at least talk to me about this?"_

_He pointed back towards the entrance. "Are you with her? Are you two together?" His voice shook. "And don't you even try to lie to me because I saw you two holding hands."_

_Dean sighed. "Yes, we're together."_

_Seth shook his head and continued to walk away. "That's fucking great! I hope you two live happily ever after!"_

_Dean ran up to and stood in front of him, placing his hand on Seth's chest to stop him. "Please, hear me out."_

_"I can't, Dean. I can't hear anything other than the sound of my heart being torn to pieces by you yet again. I don't fucking learn!" Seth groaned, moving away from Dean. "I should have know you weren't going to fucking change!"_

_"I tried, Seth!" Dean yelled back, not being able to keep his anger until control anymore. "I honestly fucking tried, but all you see is me hurting you. All you do is point out what I did wrong and completely dismiss everything that I tried to do right. I wanted to be with you, Seth. Hell... I still do." He whispered the last part, hoping Seth didn't hear._

_"Well, it's a little too late, isn't it?" Seth shook his head. "You're off the hook, Dean. I give up."_

_Dean grabbed Seth's arm and pulling him closer, pressing their lips together not caring who saw. A few seconds later, Dean pulled away, putting his forehead against Seth's as one single tear fell out of his eye. "I'm so fucking sorry, Seth." He whispered. "I'll always love you."_

_Seth broke down in tears as Dean walked away._


	16. Still Confused

_**"Still Confused."**_

_**(To the guest who reviewed about my spelling/grammar: I'm glad you're enjoying my story, however, no one is perfect and I don't have a professional editor so, yes, there is going to be some spelling/grammar errors. I don't usually proof read because I'm too lazy, but no one else has complained yet. Thank you for your review.)**_

_**(PS; Short chapter today.)**_

_Dean stood in the middle of the parking lot, the rain pouring down hard against his body. He didn't care if he was getting soaked or that his phone was probably in his grave by now. All he cared about right now was seeing Seth. He just needed to be with Seth. Sighing, he wiped his wet hair away from his face. Why was he here? Did he honestly believe that he could fix things with Seth when everything was still shaky?_

_Walking up his door, he rattled the doorknob, but the door was locked. "Seth." He called, knocking softly on the door. He leaned his head against the door, wishing he hadn't drank those beers. "Seth, please open the door."_

_Seth heard the knocks from his room and wondered who could be at his door at 2 in the morning. Slipping on a pair of sweats, he tightened the strings as he made his way to the front door._

_Not wasting any time, Dean grabbed Seth, pulling him close and kissing him passionately, moaning against his lips. It'd been way too long since he felt Seth in his arms. Way too long._

_Seth was stunned at first, not quite sure what to expect. At first, he kissed back, breathing in Dean's scent and running his fingers through his short brown hair, sighing into his mouth. God, he still loved this man with all of his heart... but this was wrong. This was so damn wrong._

_"Dean," He groaned, pulling his mouth away from his beautiful, soft mouth. "What are you doing?"_

_"I miss you, Seth. I miss you so fucking much."_

_Closing his eyes, Seth shook his head, walking away from Dean. "Stop this, Dean. I let you off the hook. I told you I was done."_

_"Well, I'm not done with you. I'm not even close to being done with you."_

_"What is your problem, Dean? Why do you keep doing this shit to me? I'm trying to move on, I'm trying to forget I ever loved you, but you just won't let me."_

_"You don't know how hard this is for me, Seth. I want to be with you, but..."_

_"But you're with Leana."_

_He shook his head. "You don't understand."_

_"Then make me understand."_

_It's been two weeks since Seth and Dean last seen each other at the hospital. They haven't even spoken a word. Roman has tried to get them together, making them come over his house to hang out with him since he's still on bed rest. But if Dean saw Seth's car, he'd leave making an excuse, and Seth had done the same. It was completely childish, but both men knew they wouldn't be able to control their selves if they were in the same room. Either they'd fight the whole time or do other things that may not be appropriate for public viewing. Seth knew he couldn't deny Dean and Dean knew he didn't want to deny Seth anymore. Still, this whole thing with Leana made both of their self controls a bit. She was having the baby, there was no doubt about that. Seth couldn't ignore it as much as he couldn't ignore the fact that he wanted to be with Dean, parts of him __**needing**__ to be with Dean in order to be happy._

_When Dean didn't offer up an explanation Seth shook his head, sitting on the couch with his hands on his face. "I can't do this shit anymore, Dean." His voice cracked as the emotions began to take control. "I can't be your number two. It's not something I ever pictured for myself. Sitting in the sidelines watching you be happy with her while I'm just your little fuck buddy."_

_"I didn't sign up for this, Seth. I never wanted this shit to happen."_

_"Then why couldn't you control yourself?" He looked back at him. "Why didn't you shrug it off? Don't try to blame this shit on me because I'm not the only one in this!"_

_"I'm not trying to blame you!" Dean yelled, tugging on his hair, trying to keep his anger in control. "You don't know how many nights I stayed up wishing that I'd never cause you all this pain because I was just too fucking scared to admit that I loved you. I didn't want my feelings for Leana to come back, but they didn't and I hurt you, once again. That kills me inside, Seth. It kills me that I can't do anything to take it back, no matter how much I hope and wish that I can, I just fucking can't. And I have to live with that every day." He stepped closer to Seth, standing in front of him. "I'm standing here, soaking wet, pleading with you, practically begging you for another chance. I know I'm still with Leana, I know I still have a lot of shit to figure out, but got damnit, I want to be with you!"_

_Seth groaned, getting up and grabbing Dean's wet shirt, pulling him close again and kissed him, bringing his other hand up to place it on his cheek. Dean reached down and slipped his shirt off, pushing Seth down on the couch and straddling him, bringing their lips together again. He grabbed Seth's face, sliding his tongue along his lips, down his jaw bone, and to his neck. Seth moaned, biting his lips as the sensation of Dean's tongue on his hot skin made his length instantly harden, not being able to deny the fact that, despite all the unsolved problems, he wanted Dean tonight so bad._

_Dean began untying Seth's sweats, forgetting all the shit that has happened and just focused on Seth... how much he wanted to make love to Seth again. He missed hearing Seth's moans, kissing his lips, feeling his skin, making his body shake. Groaning, he began to kiss down Seth's chest, running his fingertips along his skin until he was on his knees, pulling the front of his sweats forwards to kiss Seth's v-cut, sliding his tongue along the creases._

_A loud knock came to the door, causing Dean and Seth to jump off, both of their hearts beating fast. "Who is it?" Seth called out, his voice weak._

_"Open the fucking door, Dean. I know you're in there!"_

_Dean groaned as Leana continued to knock on the door. Grabbing his shirt off the ground, he walked to the door and opened it slowly._

_As soon as Leana saw Dean, she slapped him hard across the face. "You got some damn nerve."_

_Pushing her out the doorway, closing the door behind him, Dean grabbed Leana's arm roughly pulling her closer. "What the hell is wrong with you?"_

_"What the hell is wrong me with? What's wrong with you, Dean?! If you wanted to be with Seth so damn bad, why the hell did you ask me to be with you? I should have known. I'm as stupid as he is." She snatched her arm, walking away from him._

_"Leana, please." He walked to her, grabbing her arm again. "Please, stop. Just let me explain."_

_"What else do you need to explain, Dean? You can explain everything in the fucking world, but you're still going to turn around and do the opposite. You're fucking confused. You don't know what you want and I'm not going to stick around waiting for you to figure it out. You're a grown fucking man, Dean. Act like it." Leana felt herself getting light-headed as she placed her hand on her forehead. Her knees grew weak and before she knew it, everything went dark._

_Dean grabbed Leana before she fell on the ground, pushing the hair from her face. "Leana? Leana, are you okay? Seth!"_

_Seth walked out his house to see Dean holding Leana who was limp in his arms. "What happened?"_

_"I think she fainted. Hold the door open so I can put her inside." Dean picked her up in his arms and walked back into Seth's house. "Bring me a cup of water." He laid Leana on the couch and began to fan her face. "Leana, baby. Wake up, please." He placed his hand on her chest, seeing if her heart was still beating._

_Seth walked over with a cup of water and leaned down next to Dean, handing him the cup. A few minutes later, Leana regained consciousness, her whole body feeling hot._

_"W-what happened?"_

_"You fainted. Drink some water." Dean said, bringing the cup to her lips. "You're okay." He smoothed the hair from her face. "Does this happen often?"_

_She tried to get up, but Dean didn't allow her to. "Dean, I'm fine. Let me up."_

_Dean allowed her to sit up. "What's going on, Leana?"_

_"I have these fainting spells sometimes. It's nothing bad." She lied, rubbing her face. "I need to go."_

_"It's pouring outside, you shouldn't drive." Seth interjected._

_"I didn't ask for your opinion." Leana snapped, trying to get up. "You two obviously deserve each other so be together. I'm not being the 3rd wheel in this love triangle."_

_"Leana..."_

_"No, Dean. It's fine. You love him, be with him. You weren't going to be completely happy with me because of him so I'm letting you go."_

_Dean sighed, grabbing Leana's arm and pulling her to Seth's bedroom. He sat her on the bed and began to take off her sneakers. "We're not talking about this right now. You need to rest."_

_"Don't treat me like a child."_

_"Stop acting like one."_

_"How am I acting like a child, Dean?" Tears welled up in her eyes. "You played Seth and you played me."_

_"I didn't play anyone!" Dean snapped, standing up. "I know. I'm a fucking screw up, but I never intended to hurt either one of you. I love Seth, but I've loved you ever since high school. I've always wanted to be with you and you have no idea what I went through when you left."_

_"Don't do this right now."_

_"No, we're doing it, Leana. Why'd you leave? Tell me."_

_Tears spilled out of Leana's eyes. "I was pregnant and I lost the baby, okay? That's why I need to have so many appointments." She whispered, her voice shaking._

_Dean closed his eyes, sighing. "Who was the father?"_

_"Don't ask me."_

_"Leana."_

_"I can't. Please, just leave it alone for right now. I'll explain later, but, right now, I just..." Seth came to the door causing Leana to stop talking. Shaking her head, she moved away from Dean to standing in front of the window, staring out at the pouring rain._

_Dean walked out of the bedroom closing the door, around Seth, and into the bathroom, not wanting to speak to him yet. This was going to be a long night._


	17. Yours Forever

_**"Yours Forever."**_

_"Are you ready to talk now?"_

_Leana wiped her face, still looking out the window. The rain wasn't letting up and she knew Dean wasn't going to let her go anywhere until it did. She checked the weather on her phone and it said it will be raining through the night. Great. She was stuck here in the middle of a love triangle with the man that she loved and the man that he loved. Why does shit like this always happen her? She didn't have horrible love life, but it hadn't been too kind to her either. Every day she regretted not staying with Dean in high school. Maybe she'd be happy right now instead of crying over spoiled milk._

_"Whatever."_

_Dean sighed, walking into the room and closing the door behind him. "Leana, I'm just trying to understand all of this. I've never been more confused in my life than I am right now and I just need answers."_

_She walked to the bed and sat on the edge, running her fingers through her damp hair. "It really isn't going to make any difference to you. You want to be with Seth so be with him. I had no business coming back and destroy what you two were working on. I should have just stayed exactly where I was."_

_"And where's that?"_

_She finally looked at him. Shaking her head, she laid back down on the bed. "I was in New York getting treated for my depression."_

_Dean walked over to the bed, sitting next to her. "Because of the miscarriage?"_

_"Yeah. As soon as it happened, my life changed and I just had to get away. I should have told you something, but I just," She sighed. "I really just had to get away."_

_"Three years, though, Leana. In three years you couldn't call to tell us, "hey, by the way, I'm still alive"? Do you know the hell I went through trying to look for you. I stayed up every night calling every police station, watching every news channel, searching every news website to see if you were dead. For Gods sake, Leana, I had to watch your mom practically starve herself to death because she wouldn't eat unless you were there."_

_Leana closed her eyes, covering her face with her hands as tears began to escape from her eyes. "I know, Dean. I get it, okay? I just didn't care and I'm sorry for that."_

_Dean rubbed his own face, shaking his head still trying to get it through his mind. He was still angry at her for what she did, how careless she had been, but he was just happy to have her back. Even through all this bullshit, he was just glad to have his best friend back. "Are you going to tell me who the father was?"_

_"No because it's not important. He didn't know I was pregnant, I wanted to keep it that way. I don't even speak to him anymore."_

_"Alright." He nodded, getting up from the bed. "You should get some rest."_

_"Are you mad?"_

_"No. I'm honestly just tired. Tired of hurting people, tired of asking, tired of answering." He shrugged. "Just tired."_

_She hugged her best friend, putting her face on his chest. "It's all going to work out, Dean. You should be with Seth. He's the only person who will make you truely happy."_

_"Thank you, Leana. That means a lot." She leaned up to kiss his cheek before getting back on the bed and laying down. Dean pulled the covers over her body, he leaned down and kissed her forehead lightly. "No matter what, you'll always be my best friend."_

_She smiled and rubbed his cheek. "You, too, Ambrose. I love you."_

_"I love you, too." He whispered before moving away, turning off the bedside lamp, and walking out of the room._

_Seth was sitting on the couch, staring out the patio doors at the scenery outside of his house. The rain was coming down pretty hard and he hard a few thunder cracks. Sighing, he laid back on the couch and ran his hands over his face. Why was he so damn weak? Even after everything Dean had done to him, he still succumbed to him and they almost made love. God, how bad he wanted to make love to him again, but not like this. He needed Dean full time, not part time. And he surely didn't want to have him while he was with Leana. Visions of them filled his mind and he wondered what they were doing in his bedroom. He knew they wouldn't be that disrespectful, but still._

_Hearing the door open, he got to his feet and watched Dean leave the bedroom, closing the door softly. He smoothed his hair down, a plain emotionless look in his face. What happened?_

_"Are you okay?" Seth asked, walking up to him._

_"Yeah, I'm alright." Dean answered, putting his arms around Seth's waist and bringing their foreheads together. "She says I should be with you."_

_"What do you say?" Seth whispered, putting his hands on Dean's cheeks._

_"I told you I wanted to be with you. That was the truth."_

_"So then be with me. Don't break my heart again, please."_

_"I won't, baby."_

_Seth pulled Dean to the couch, laying him down and getting on top of him. Although his whole body ached for the man he loved, it was inapporiate to do anything rated R while Leana was in the house. Leaning down and kissing his favorite set of lips, he settled for kissing and a little bit of touching. _

_Dean ran his hands along Seth's back, moaning against his mouth as their tongues danced together. He felt truly happy for the first time in a long time knowing that Seth was his. Sure, there were still issues that needed to be resolved, but that didn't matter because he'll work through them with Seth. Part of him was still completely in love with Leana. She had been the first woman he loved and he couldn't ignore that. Still, he was happy that she wanted him to be with Seth and didn't hold the fact that they were having a baby against him._

_He sighed, thinking about being a father. It honestly terrified the hell out of him, but he knew that with Leana and Seth there, he'll be just fine. The kid was going to be loved and spoiled. Dean smiled against Seth's lips at the thoughts._

_"What are you smiling about?" Seth asked, a smile on his own face._

_"I'm just so happy, baby. I'm happy that I have you." He ran his fingers through Seth's hair. "I'm just happy."_

_"I'm happy, too, my love." Seth's heart burst for this man. He linked their fingers together. "I'm forever yours."_

_"Yours forever."_

_**Epilogue:**_

_Dean and Seth eventually moved in together, telling everyone proudly that they were now a couple. They were glad that their friends accepted them for who they were, although losing a few did hurt. Either way, their true lifelong friends is all that really mattered. Dean never really got over Leana, but he was too happy with Seth to ever hurt him again. Every day it was a struggle for them, but they made it through. On March 11, 2013, Seth asked Dean to take a trip with him to Vegas and become his husband. Dean accepted._

_Leana officially moved back, renting out Dean's apartment after he moved out. She rekindled her relationship with her parents, who had long since disowned her when they found out she was actually alive a year after she disappeared. She found herself a boyfriend who accepted her for all her flaws, even her pregnancy with her gay ex. boyfriend, and agreed to be apart of the babies life. Elaine Elizabeth Ambrose will be born on November 28, 2013 and will have 3 fathers._


	18. Authors Note

_**I want to thank every single one of my writers for supporting me through this whole story. This is the first slash I've ever written and the response I got from you all was completely inspiring. I thank you and love you from the bottom of my heart and sincerely hope you will read my future stories. I'm currently working on a Punk/Ambrose one and I will soon be posting a Randy/Cody one later this week. If you have any questions about Darkest Secrets, don't be afraid to ask. I know I kind of rushed the ending, but I stretched out far too long already since it was suppose to end at chapter 15. Either way, I'm happy with the end result and I hope you were too. Thanks again!**_

_**Love always, Zee.**_


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